The Opinion "The iconic symbol of the GOP is the glorious elephant" has died, having been trampled to death by the new, and profoundly more apt symbol of the Grand Old Party: the Ransom Note. The Opinion spent its last days stamping its feet and shaking its head side to side, apparently in homage to Rush Limbaugh.
The use of the elephant as a representation of Republicans had been employed for 135 years having originally sprung from the artistry of political cartoonist Thomas Nast. Large, fat and enslaved to its financial backers, the elephant did yeoman's work for the better part of a century and a third, until at last it was discarded in favor of open extortion. The GOP denies this fact, which is not remarkable as it does by dint of habit deny most facts as a matter of course.
Services for the late Opinion will be held this coming Tuesday, unless $5,000,000.00 in American currency is delivered personally to me at my usual watering hole by halftime of this coming Sunday's Super Bowl game. Failing that, the ponderous pachyderm of patriarchal politics shall become a ghost, albeit a rather large one. In lieu of flowers the late GOP symbol's family asks that you remember to make private your profits and public your costs, and don't be afraid to use a little muscle to shake down the halls of government. Tell 'em Guido sent you.
The Opinuary Column appears most Fridays at Jesus' General.
From the Tomb of the Well Known Ransom