Commandant of the Marine Corps
Dear Gen. Conway,
It's a shame your opposition to repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," is resulting in your name becoming a synonym for "insecure bigoted neanderthal." Folks just don't understand the difficulties the repeal would cause the Corps.The battle to remain heterosexually pure is tough enough for the average guy; it must be extremely difficult in the hyper-masculine culture of the Marine Corps'. All those hard bodies doing drills, running maneuvers, and showering together. It's a testament to each Marine's faith in God that they aren't constantly putting their little howitzers in each others mouths right there on the parade ground.
I'm afraid DADT repeal will change all that. In an organization as large as the Corps, it'll result in at least a couple of Marines publicly proclaiming themselves to be committed to homosexualism.
And that's where the trouble starts, because every other Marine who ever wrestled naked with one of these self-admitted homosexualists will begin to question his own commitment to the heterosexual lifestyle.
I can almost hear their minds at work: "Hey, I oiled that guys cannon at least 137 times late at night in the barracks...am I really straight?" or "He might have been the guy on the other side of the gap in the latrine wall...am I a homosexualist too?"
I'm not just guessing here. We've seen it all before after the Gomer Pile exposure. It sent Sgt Carter into a tailspin. Last I heard he lives on a llama ranch with some guy named Enrique and a cat. Yes, a cat.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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