First Vice Chairman
Paulding County Republicans,
Dear Mr. Gravley,
As a fellow officer of the Glorious Conservative Christian Cultural Revolution, I breathed a sigh of relief when I learned Georgia House Speaker Glenn Richardson had stepped down. By putting his thingy inside a lobbyist he became an embarrassment to us and all we stand for.But, now, the libislamunistofascists are trying to keep that controversy alive by attacking the courageous family-values warrior who Paulding County elected to fill Richardson's seat. They say the replacement, Rep. Daniel Stout, is a hypocrite because he had relations with his mother-in-law while his wife was pregnant.
They simply don't understand what family values are all about.
Sure, Rep. Stout may have allowed his wife's mother to spank his well-defined bare butt for being naughty, but that's nothing more that the kind of quasi-parental correction we all crave from our in-laws.
Maybe it was even more than that. Rep. Stout says it stopped just short of sex, but what if his mother-in-law, say, gave him a righteous rogering with a ReamMaster 5000. Nothing wrong with a little bonding exercise with the wife's mom.
And really, haven't we all wanted "Mother XXX" to help us maintain prostate health? There's shameful about having mom-in-law spelunk in our cave of shame. She's family.
Same goes for scrotal shaving. Who are you going to trust more than your mother-in-law?
As the county party's First Vice Chair--I'd ask Chairman Rocky Swann, but he looks like he might be kind of funny--it's up to you to explain how mother-in-laws fit into the whole family values concept. Otherwise, people are left with the wrong impression and it'll be a lot harder to explain the part about goats when the time comes.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot.
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When I saw "MIL" in the headline for this sermon, I was excited. Many times I read about futurePresident Palin being referred to as a "MILF," which I think means "Mother I'd Like to Friend." I reckon it's something to do with that "Friendster" social networking service, which must be real cool, because all the kids are doing it, right? Anyway, I have dreams about "friending" Sarah Palin.
ReplyDeleteOK, so this "MIL" wasn't QUITE the same. But it did make me curious, as a good sermon should, about what Teh Holey Bible says about mothers-in-law. I was not aware before now that Jesus Himself came on to Peter's mother-in-law while she was lying in bed, and He thought she was hot, and then He touched her... So it seems that futureGovernor Gravely is following Christ's example after all!
General, Sir:
ReplyDeleteI don't know about you, but I think Swannie bears a resemblance to former rep. Dennis Hastert. For my money, though, the one to keep your eye on is "First Vice-Chair, Joseph Gullet".
I love that picture of Mitch McConnell you have at the top! And knowing your clever ways, I bet you have a hidden image somewhere in there as well, like maybe a non-believer having anal sex with satan in San Francisco...am I right?
ReplyDeleteAh, heck, my honey's mama just drove up the driveway. Gotta go!
++++
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ReplyDeleteEvery one loves the MIL, even our beloved Fido.
ReplyDeleteMJS, that picture old Old Mother Hubbard uptopthere couldn't be McConnell. She's got way more chin than him
ReplyDeleteAs for "Ah, heck, my honey's mama just drove up the driveway. Gotta go!" don't you mean "Gotta come"?