First Vice Chairman
Paulding County Republicans,
Dear Mr. Gravley,
As a fellow officer of the Glorious Conservative Christian Cultural Revolution, I breathed a sigh of relief when I learned Georgia House Speaker Glenn Richardson had stepped down. By putting his thingy inside a lobbyist he became an embarrassment to us and all we stand for.
But, now, the libislamunistofascists are trying to keep that controversy alive by attacking the courageous family-values warrior who Paulding County elected to fill Richardson's seat. They say the replacement, Rep. Daniel Stout, is a hypocrite because he had relations with his mother-in-law while his wife was pregnant.
They simply don't understand what family values are all about.
Sure, Rep. Stout may have allowed his wife's mother to spank his well-defined bare butt for being naughty, but that's nothing more that the kind of quasi-parental correction we all crave from our in-laws.
Maybe it was even more than that. Rep. Stout says it stopped just short of sex, but what if his mother-in-law, say, gave him a righteous rogering with a ReamMaster 5000. Nothing wrong with a little bonding exercise with the wife's mom.
And really, haven't we all wanted "Mother XXX" to help us maintain prostate health? There's shameful about having mom-in-law spelunk in our cave of shame. She's family.
Same goes for scrotal shaving. Who are you going to trust more than your mother-in-law?
As the county party's First Vice Chair--I'd ask Chairman Rocky Swann, but he looks like he might be kind of funny--it's up to you to explain how mother-in-laws fit into the whole family values concept. Otherwise, people are left with the wrong impression and it'll be a lot harder to explain the part about goats when the time comes.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot.
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