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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Vitter's Hope

Sen. David Vitter
United States Senate

Dear Sen. Vitter,

You're in trouble. No matter how hard you try to sound like one of us true patriotic Teabagger-Americans, we'll always remember you paid a naughty-lady to change your diapers. You're going to lose unless you come up with something big soon.

Look at the tactics your colleagues in the House are using. Rep. Joe Wilson became a conservative hero by yelling "you lie" at Obama, and Rep. Randy Neugebauer won compelled birth advocates' hearts by calling Rep. Stupak a "baby killer."

You need to do the same thing but bigger. As Justice Alito learned, simply rephrasing one of the earlier screeches won't do. Your outburst must carry more shock value than the previous incidents or you'll fail to catch the teabag spotlight.

That's why you should stand up in the well of the Senate and call Sen. Reid a "cocksucker."

Think about the power of the word. What kind of sick pervert would put a live rooster's head in his mouth? Can you imagine the shame Reed would feel? More importantly, can you imagine all the national coverage you'd get? I can almost hear Teabag Nation cheer in unison as you tell Larry King: "Yes, I called Sen. Reid a cocksucker, and I stand by my words."

I hope you'll consider it. It's really your only hope.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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  1. I would suggest, rather than "Cocksucker," you go with "Dickless." This would offer a fantastic opportunity to quote the movie Ghostbusters, one of the greatest films ever produced in the English language. These films are especially worthy of praise because of the near destruction of that liberal Francophile homo love den of Manhattan.

  2. Yo Gen,
    The only problem with calling somebody a "Cocksucker" is producing at least one "Cocksuckee".

  3. Words are not enough any more. Others have been there, screeched that. Vitter needs to bring it to the next level, the physical one.

    He needs to throw a DIAPER at Sen. Reid.

    And if he's the first person to do it, the novelty factor will be such that he doesn't have to hurl a diaper filled with poo or anything. I pity the SECOND diaper-chucker. But not nearly as much as I pity the second target...

  4. The difference between being a cocksucker and a teabagger is a matter of a few inches. If one is lucky.

    How many of those ol' patriot teabaggers understand this?

    It brings new meaning to: 'Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes'.

  5. Wait a minute. I distinctly remember the night the Watergate special prosecutor was fired. I'm certain that Robert Bork was Nixon's official Cox-sacker.

    Who is this Vitter?


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.