Sen. David Vitter
United States Senate
Dear Sen. Vitter,
You're in trouble. No matter how hard you try to sound like one of us true patriotic Teabagger-Americans, we'll always remember you paid a naughty-lady to change your diapers. You're going to lose unless you come up with something big soon.
Look at the tactics your colleagues in the House are using. Rep. Joe Wilson became a conservative hero by yelling "you lie" at Obama, and Rep. Randy Neugebauer won compelled birth advocates' hearts by calling Rep. Stupak a "baby killer."
You need to do the same thing but bigger. As Justice Alito learned, simply rephrasing one of the earlier screeches won't do. Your outburst must carry more shock value than the previous incidents or you'll fail to catch the teabag spotlight.
That's why you should stand up in the well of the Senate and call Sen. Reid a "cocksucker."
Think about the power of the word. What kind of sick pervert would put a live rooster's head in his mouth? Can you imagine the shame Reed would feel? More importantly, can you imagine all the national coverage you'd get? I can almost hear Teabag Nation cheer in unison as you tell Larry King: "Yes, I called Sen. Reid a cocksucker, and I stand by my words."
I hope you'll consider it. It's really your only hope.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
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