Elitist undergrads armed with fancy high school diplomas set out to embarrass Our Lady of the Least Common Denominator this week by leaking one of her speaking contracts to the media. The contract required the University of California, Stanislaus to provide Sarah Palin with first-class air fare for two, three rooms at a luxury hotel, and two water bottles equipped with bendy straws.
All that might seem a bit extravagant at first glance, but it's easily justified if one applies a little teabagologic to the demands.
Non-flexible straws are one of the tools Satan uses to tempt men into immorality. We see the end of one pressed against a woman's lips and strange, lurid, Democratic, Klintonesque ideas crowd out the thought in our heads. The next thing we know, we're grabbing a can of Ready-Whip and heading out to the calf pen and our eternal damnation. Bendy straws just make us think, "ouch."
As for first-class air fare, she offered an alternative: a charter jet larger than a Lear 60. So it's not like shes saying "Fly me first class or else." Well, OK, she is, but she'll still speak if you give her the "or else."
Finally, there's the three rooms--one of them a suite--for two people. This one's very easy to explain once you apply a little teabagoreason. Sarah wants to ensure there's always be at least one room between her and Russia.