Chairman, The Teaparty Express
Dear Mr. Williams,
From Charles Johnson's identification of a Muslim crescent in the Flight 93 memorial to Frank Gaffney's recent discovery of an Islamic crescent in the US Missile Defense Agency logo, there's been a lot of good work in islamocrescentology over the last few years. But, unfortunately, no one has yet exposed the most obvious example of Islam's subliminal war on our subconscious: the moon.I first noticed the Islaminization of the moon one night during the Klinton administration. Not quite knowing what to do, I proceeded to scream profanities at it. The next night, I noticed it had begun to slowly resume it's old shape, so I yelled at it some more. I repeated the process over the next few nights until I was assured that it was not going to return a sharia state. It worked. Eventually it became round again.
But about a month later, I noticed that it was crescent-shaped once again. I suspect islamofacists sleeper cells within NASA used their mysterious satanic magic called algebra to bring about the change, so to combat it, I interlaced my profanity with scripture and finally brought the the moon back to it's correct shape once again.
I've continued this monthly cycle for almost sixteen years, now, and although I've been successful, it's becoming increasingly difficult to pull off. I've aged. I can't scream profanities and scripture as loudly or as long as I once could. Often, I have to supplement my yelling by swinging one of the family cats around by the tail. But that's only a short term fix--it upsets the neighbors.
I'm hoping the Teaparty Movement can help. You're good at screaming profanities in general, and some of you can do a great imitation of a swinging cat. There doesn't seem to be a specific profanity that works better than others. They all whip the moon back into shape. I suppose you could even use the word, "nigger." I know you like to squeeze it in whenever you can.
Could you help me get organized for the next crescental assault?
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Look back: Muslims are after me Lucky Charms
Sons a bitches went after our most sacred food group: inoculated flesh patties. And to show solidarity I will not go near a crescent wrench. See how they like being snubbed for a change. Serves those moon wizards right, if you ask me. I do mean "if."
ReplyDelete++++
Why do you think the call it That Old Devil Moon?
ReplyDeleteMark my words -- soon those Mahometans will be claiming the Moon is made out of that fetid cheese they use on their falaforeilly samwinches. It was bad enough when the French tried to say it was made of their green cheese, but Neil Armstrong -- an American! -- put paid to that. However, some races just don't know when to stop.
ReplyDeleteThis is Hannah Bevills, Editor for Christian.com which is a social network made specifically for Christians, by Christians, to directly fulfill Christian's needs. We embarked on this endeavor to offer the ENTIRE christian community an outlet to join together as one (no matter denomination) and better spread the good word of Christianity. Christian.com has many great features aside from the obvious like christian TV, prayer request or even find a church/receive advice. We have emailed you because we have interest in collaborating with you and your blog to help us spread the good word. I look forward to an email regarding the matter, Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGod Bless
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“Not quite knowing what to do, I proceeded to scream profanities at it.”
ReplyDeleteDamn, brother. If I had a nickel for every time I did that, well, I’d have a shitload of nickels.
And let's not forget that it was the fraudulent and socialistic Kennedy administration that first made plans to fake a moon landing.
ReplyDeleteJust can't trust people who spend all of their time looking up at the sky instead of praying to the invisible old man in the sky.
I kept an eye on the sky today--no sign of the crescent moon. I'll see if I can get my Aunt Larry to take over the night duty, that is if he's not bathroom hopping in Tehachapi (and even then he can pop outside for a gander, I reckon).
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Hannah:
ReplyDeleteI know you're hankerin' for it, so hey, I'm in a charitable mood. FUCK YOU AND FUCK ALL OF YOUR KKKRISTIAN FRIENDS. There, I'll bet the tides of ecstasy that you normally get buffetted by, just for being in the lonely majority of JESUS lovers were even better than usual.
Thomas,
ReplyDeleteDo you mean you've found evidence that Kennedy was a mohametan? Kennedy wanted to send men to the crescent moon to pray towards Mecca? Was the intention of wanting a permanent presence on the moon really to build a moonmosque? Was this why he was assasinated? Is Lee Harvey Oswald really an All-American Hero?
The Good Sister Hannah (not to be confused with a Woody Allen movie) is reaching out to us. I believe this is a test from our Lord and Savior. It is our GCCCR duty to show her The Truth, (unedited by "The Hierarchy" with which she may be more familiar).
ReplyDeleteHannah, I invite you to spend more time here, reading The Truth, as it will set you free. True, freedom is scarier than having someone direct your every thought and action - but it is also exhilarating.
jcricket:
ReplyDeleteYou're prolly right, but I just have a kneejerkoff reflex when it comes to KKKristian prostitutilization on this here blogspace.
General, Sir:
Great post, but what's with that pitcher? I seen something just like it in the GOPorn Butthole Brigade's catalog. Y'know how they are about sex, if it was good, we'd all be havin' it! Anyways, is that thing battery operated or just ac/dc?