Chairman, The Teaparty Express
Dear Mr. Williams,
From Charles Johnson's identification of a Muslim crescent in the Flight 93 memorial to Frank Gaffney's recent discovery of an Islamic crescent in the US Missile Defense Agency logo, there's been a lot of good work in islamocrescentology over the last few years. But, unfortunately, no one has yet exposed the most obvious example of Islam's subliminal war on our subconscious: the moon.
I first noticed the Islaminization of the moon one night during the Klinton administration. Not quite knowing what to do, I proceeded to scream profanities at it. The next night, I noticed it had begun to slowly resume it's old shape, so I yelled at it some more. I repeated the process over the next few nights until I was assured that it was not going to return a sharia state. It worked. Eventually it became round again.
But about a month later, I noticed that it was crescent-shaped once again. I suspect islamofacists sleeper cells within NASA used their mysterious satanic magic called algebra to bring about the change, so to combat it, I interlaced my profanity with scripture and finally brought the the moon back to it's correct shape once again.
I've continued this monthly cycle for almost sixteen years, now, and although I've been successful, it's becoming increasingly difficult to pull off. I've aged. I can't scream profanities and scripture as loudly or as long as I once could. Often, I have to supplement my yelling by swinging one of the family cats around by the tail. But that's only a short term fix--it upsets the neighbors.
I'm hoping the Teaparty Movement can help. You're good at screaming profanities in general, and some of you can do a great imitation of a swinging cat. There doesn't seem to be a specific profanity that works better than others. They all whip the moon back into shape. I suppose you could even use the word, "nigger." I know you like to squeeze it in whenever you can.
Could you help me get organized for the next crescental assault?
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Look back: Muslims are after me Lucky Charms