Weston School District
Dear Supt. Belair,
I'm sure there are those who'd call you a cowardly, backward, ignorant, son of a pair of toothless siblings for your refusal to allow the teaching of Darwinislamunistofascism to gifted third graders, but I applaud you for it. I fully agree that teaching such a subject must be done in a “developmentally appropriate manner”--just like sex education (which, of course shouldn't be taught until the kids are married at 14).
The thing is, you start teaching these kids about evolution and the next thing you know, they'll be evolving all over the place. You'll have little girls growing real pony tails. God doesn't want to see My Pretty Pony horse tails on a girl. It'd piss him off and probably prompt him to kill a million brown people in Asia or something.
And the boys, well we both know how boys are--teach them evolution now, and they'll evolve a second penis for their other hand in a few years. What guy wouldn't! Can you imagine that? Man, we could add the lengths together and feel a whole better for ourselves. And just think about all that extra entertainment we'd get when we're watching wrestling or the Animal Planet on the teevee.
See, just thinking about evolutionism has me hankering to evolve right now. That's just how dangerous it is.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot