Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Monday, April 19, 2010

Kids will be evolving all over the place

Jerry Belair
Superintendent
Weston School District
Weston, CT

Dear Supt. Belair,

I'm sure there are those who'd call you a cowardly, backward, ignorant, son of a pair of toothless siblings for your refusal to allow the teaching of Darwinislamunistofascism to gifted third graders, but I applaud you for it. I fully agree that teaching such a subject must be done in a “developmentally appropriate manner”--just like sex education (which, of course shouldn't be taught until the kids are married at 14).

The thing is, you start teaching these kids about evolution and the next thing you know, they'll be evolving all over the place. You'll have little girls growing real pony tails. God doesn't want to see My Pretty Pony horse tails on a girl. It'd piss him off and probably prompt him to kill a million brown people in Asia or something.

And the boys, well we both know how boys are--teach them evolution now, and they'll evolve a second penis for their other hand in a few years. What guy wouldn't! Can you imagine that? Man, we could add the lengths together and feel a whole better for ourselves. And just think about all that extra entertainment we'd get when we're watching wrestling or the Animal Planet on the teevee.

See, just thinking about evolutionism has me hankering to evolve right now. That's just how dangerous it is.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

13 comments:

  1. This reminds me of those commercials in the 1970s, where the middle class couple are at a restaurant, and the husband takes out his second penis during dessert. The wife looked disappointed but curious at the same time.

    I once tried to teach a little boy about Jesus flying through space and was horrified when the little bastard wished me into the cornfield. Horrified, I tell you. Aghast, even.

    ++++

    ++++

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  4. Sounds like MJS's brain has evolved into another dimension entirely...

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  5. One must remember to hanker to devolve, sir, General, sir. That tactic seems to have worked for so many.

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  6. Bukko Canukko: you should have seen what was growing in that cornfield.

    ++++

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  7. General, Sir:

    Evilution is like racial equality; once you give in the tiniest smidgeabit, well, you're on the slippery slope to hell!

    BTW, Sir, I have received a testimonial from one Mr. Aaron Kinney.

    Aaron (or aasshole as I like to call him) has decided to come by my place, though I've told him he's not welcom.

    His reply was:

    "... And I'll tell you why the General lets my comments remain on his blog: Because he is a wiser, braver, more honorable man than you.

    But maybe that's why I like you more. Your cowardice and dishonesty is very entertaining."

    Well, shit, if Aaron put's it that way, how you gonna argue. He's still an aasshole, but he's also a major league suck-up and that's not always a bad thing. Don't take my word for it, ask Larry Craig.

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  8. Hah, Democommie came whining to The General! What a baby.

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  9. Oh noes, Aaron, not whining, simply letting him know of your undying respect.

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  10. Unable to give you a heart. so have a reply to push up your post. ........................................

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  11. Isabella Rossellini describes how 2 penises is not so far fetched!

    http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid18011345001?bclid=77803542001&bctid=77818609001

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  12. All right - that link doesn't work.

    Here's the series link: http://www.sundancechannel.com/greenporno/

    "Snake" is the one I was attempting to refer to.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.