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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Miley Cyrus Subverting Country Music With Commie Koans

From Webb Pierce's "There Stands the Glass" to Johnny Rebel's "Nigger Hatin' Me," the country music industry has served as the guardian of our most cherished heartland values for nearly a century. But now, according to poker critic Brian Cherry, it's being subverted by a secret, book-reading leftist: Miley Cyrus.

As Mr. Cherry notes, although Miss Cyrus was "presented to us a fully Disneyfied young lady with a Christian background and the values to boot," she's something else entirely. "This young lady," Cherry continues, "brings an entire suitcase of San Francisco values with her as baggage..."" Yes, San Francisco values and all the soy lattes and Rice-a-Roni that comes with them.

Cherry continues, "She is even moving away from the official religion of the entire [country] industry," an American religion, to read books on Buddhism, a religion birthed in Asia.

Next thing you know, she'll go all Muslim and study algebra.

11 comments:

  1. So that's what it looks like when a Manly Man writes about Miley Cyrus. Well sir, my bucket list just got another check mark!

    ++++

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  2. Yes, but they'll never abandon her unless she marries across racial lines. See, she's just so damned hot, in that best-lookin-cousin-at-the-family-reunion way. "How old did y'all say she is again?"

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  3. She should practice those good ol' family values like Hank Williams did.

    And pick up interesting hobbies like Willie Nelson.

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  4. What a big man to be scared of such a little girl.

    Anyway, wow, she took pictures of herself under the sheets. At least the sheets weren't on her head, nor did they innocently blow in the wind to reveal her breastesses, like Carrie Prajean, that stalwart of conservative family values.

    Shees. Is that Cherry's rants what passes for deep thinking?

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  5. Next think you know, Wiley Miley will be wearing jewelry with summathem secretomuslim crescent moons or other Orientish religion symbols in order to subliminally subvert the innocent country-music-listening yoof of southern America. Because everybody knows that Christianity is so weak that if children hear that some middle-of-the-road singer follows some other religion they know nothing about, or sees the symbol of some false faith, that will be enough to turn them into a full-on tofu-eating, beekeeper-suit-wearing cult zombie. Why does our All-Powerful God allow this to occur?

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  6. General Sir, I'm liking the comments over at that Big Hollywood site. So kind...
    'Whenever a girl, especially a celebrity, brags about that its usually code for "I've blown, like, 50 guys and have taken it in the ass a couple times but no on'es ever pounded my vag (at least not while I was conscious and/or sober) so I'm techinically still a virgin."

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  7. General, Sir! Here is a Congressional candidate from Idaho who bills himself as a "real man." I won't believe it until you, Sir, confirm the matter, given that you make the number 11 tremble on the one-to-ten scale of Ultimate Manliness! http://tpmlivewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/2010/04/idaho-goper-running-for-congress-dc-needs-someone-crazy-like-me.php?ref=fpb

    Submissively yours, Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel

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  8. My teenager turned me on to Miley Cyrus a long time ago. She's actually a pretty cool girl. She even writes her own songs -- unlike Britney Spears. When the Miss Breast Implants contest furor went down, Miley came out in favor of gay marriage, saying something to the effect that Jesus loves everyone. She seems pretty stoney to me.

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  9. "She is even moving away from the official religion of the entire [country] industry," an American religion"

    Mammonism?

    Just remember when watching the Opry, "the higher the hair- the closer to Jesus"

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  10. At first, I thought Brian's rational, well thought out arguement was fine. I read it again and it still stood up to the most rigorous mental scrutiny. The thrust (a biblical type of thrust, not one of those latte sipping sex crazed Miley Cyrus hip thrusts) is perfect.
    If there has ever been a moment of doubt in anyone's mind that American heartland values & country music need to be propagated all over the world, I'm sure this article will silence it.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.