Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Monday, June 28, 2010

Hating Homosexualists is so Gay

Peter J. LaBarbera
Americans for Truth

Dear Mr. LaBarbera,

I'm sure you noticed the recent Gallup poll on attitudes toward love desegregation. For the first time, the poll showed that a majority of Americans support giving homosexualists the same marriage rights the rest of us have. Even more surprising, the percentage of men who support love desegregation is now higher than the percentage of women who do.

According to Dr. Michael Kimmel (SUNY, Stony Brook) and Dr. Ritch Savin-Williams (Cornell), one of the reasons for this may be that men are now afraid to be identified with the love segregation movement because they fear people will think they're homosexualists. With all the recent outings of anti-homosexualist culture warriors, being too anti-homosexualist now seems a bit homosexualist.

Of course we know that's not true. You dress up in your black leather ass chaps to infiltrate homosexualist parties rather than to have homosexualists infiltrate you. It's for a good cause: researching their immoral lifestyle. I'm sure that's true of all our colleagues as well. You can't really understand the depravity of homosexualism until you've taken untold numbers of little soldiers into your mouth. Any priest can tell you that.

But, unfortunately, the public doesn't understand that, because we never talk about the lengths we go to in our quest to understand the nature of sin. It's time we changed that. You can do that by making a movie at your next leather party. Film the debauchery and comment on it in real time. Tell people how sinful it is while your being rogered silly by a man with a riding crop. People will understand then.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

6 comments:

  1. With a name like that, it's gotta hard to avoid affliction with teh ghey. Shame on the perverted predecessors of Peter's pathetic parents, to name the family that. As Johnny Cash might have said (if sodomitery had been around during his time) "If I ever have a son, I'm going to name him.... Bill, or Barney, or Georgie! -- anything but Barbera!"

    Film the debauchery and comment on it in real time.

    That wouldn't be anything like "tweeting" would it? Because that name is so gay! I mean, come on sister -- it's just one mincing step away from "twinking." When they develop the technology for video tweeting, they need to give it a manly name like "hunking" or "bearing."

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  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  3. Or "chapping." I forgot to mention that one. "Chap" sounds manly, eh?

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  4. The man's powers of description are very weak. He should have taken better notes. But tomorrow's another day.

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  5. "Fisting" is more manly than anything! If Mr. LaBarbie ever gets tired of chaps and wants to videotweet debauchery, he should call it fisting.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.