Our first stop was Mass. Of course we're not papists, but why should they be the only ones who get to chug down our Savior's immaculate hemoglobin. We figure Jesus' precious blood belongs to everyone, and if we have to go to mass to get a taste, by God we will.After taking a big swig, I bumped the priest's chalice to spill a few bloody jiggers into a Big Gulp cup I was secretly holding below. OfJoshua did the same and we got enough to keep us in Bloody Jesuses (1 shot Most Precious Blood of Jesus, 2 shots corn liquor, a dash each of ground pork rinds, black pepper, and Tabasco sauce, then fill the glass with tomato juice and garnish with a stick of celery) the rest of the afternoon.
We spent the remainder of the day drinking our Most Precious Blood of Jesus cocktails out on the porch and rebuking our neighbors, and later the police, for murdering babies with contraceptives.
It was a wonderful holiday. I can't wait for the Feast of the Circumcision.
Elsewhere: Brother Marie, "Liberalism: An Evil Defined."
I was relieved to learn that there will be permitted NO disrespect toward the Slaves of the Immaculate Heart of Mary.
ReplyDeleteOh, and my inner frenchwoman has friends who live in that town now ruled by the Slaves of the Immaculate Heart of Mary. My inner frenchwoman thinks that the "Slaves" name says it all. She might be right.
ReplyDeleteUh-oh. My inner frenchwoman thought the Feast of the Circumcision was mere witty elite snark. I pity the fool. I had to have her hurled back into the zenana, and now she knows better.
ReplyDeleteThey don't go nearly far enough for this non-catholic, no sir and no ma'am. For a ritual to really ignite the faithful we should all share in the filtering organs of the son of god, and suck on the bone marrow, and cap it all off with a full heaping of savior brains. Don't get me wrong: drinking blood is all fine and dandy, but if you don't chew on something more substantial you're missing out on the grit and gristle that is the lord's essence. Or not.
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Thank you NBfH for drawing my attention to "The Most Precious Blood of Jesus" article, from which I quote:
ReplyDeleteThe Precious Blood of Jesus was given to Him to divinize by Mary, the Mother of God. Between Jesus and Mary there was a perpetual interflow of blood for nine months when He was a Child in her womb. Anyone can see how divinized Mary became by this interchange of blood for nearly a year.
So glad to have had my human reproductive biology knowledge updated! Blood is shared between mum and fetus in the womb - that's how its done!
I wonder just how anyone would see how divinized Mary had become? Does divinity correlate with an expanded abdomen? No - it was a permanent change. Cellulite? Stretch marks? Flat feet?
Someone should write to the Slaves to find out exactly what they mean.
Let's not forget the filtering organs! Lord Liver is the best!
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Thank goodness that more Americans than ever before are enjoying the benefits of unemployment, so that they NEVER have to go back to work after those holidays!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Teh Most Specious Blood of Jeezus glows in the dark? Because that would be so cool to pass around at parties!
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