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Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Teabag-American Candidate Upbraids Dung Dumping Ungulates

Former tight-end, farmer, and Sarah-endorsed teabagger-American senatorial candidate Clint Didier is on to something:
Dairies aren't the only source of nitrate contamination, Didier argued. There are also wild animals like deer and elk.

"I mean, their manure is in the water."
He's right. Contrary to what the science mongers say, factory farms and industrial dairies are not responsible for the rise in nitrate pollution in Eastern Washington. Elkofascists and their brutish deertrüppen minions are the true villains--they're the ones conducting a strategic dung-bombing campaign against our vital water supply.

Patriot Didier's contention is backed by the government's own figures. According to the USGS:
Concentrations of nitrate in ground water underlying irrigated cropland in some areas of eastern Washington have increased by as much as 100 times since the early 1950s when those areas were opened to irrigation [and first subject to the insatiable appetite Elkofacists and Deertruppen have for fresh hops, potatoes, apples, and sugar beets].
Yes, it's true. Elk and deer stuck to the backwoods and highways until noted Spokane communist Bing Crosby gave the Peshastin herd's Ann Elk a taste of one of Alger Hiss's pumpkins in 1951. Then, they began their invasion of our fields, discussing the works of Marx, Mao, Hitler and the beat poets while they dined on the fruits of our labor and taught the salmon to form their little fishy mouths into immoral shapes.

Now, they're everywhere, playing crude reindeer games, defacing our schools, churches, trailer parks and mini marts with dung graffiti, whistling at our white women, eyeing our favorite sheep, destroying neighborhoods with their indoor alfalfa growing operations, and, as Patriot Didier notes, taking huge ungulate-sized dumps in our water.

But I guess things could be worse. At least, the antlered bastards aren't trying to regulate agribusiness.

12 comments:

  1. It's time to revive the good works of The Society for Indecency to Naked Animals. Only we have to put diapers on those ungulates as well as clothes.

    I don't know who's going to pay for the diapers, or put them on the elktruppen, (I like that "truppen" thing, BTW-- did you come up with that, or is a Glen Beckkkism?) but we can cross that bridge when we come poo it. In times of emergency like this, there's no time for thinking! The American thing to do is act!

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  2. Am I a pervert because I only see "Clit Diddler" when I read his name?

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  3. I'm glad somebody is looking out for Monsanto.

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  4. A guy gets hit in the head often enough, he starts to get a little flaky.

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  5. Am I a pervert because I only see "Clit Diddler" when I read his name?

    I think that's just his porn name (football too.) His real name is Dirk Diggler.

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  6. Clint, the bling meister.

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  7. Wasn’t it Ronald Reagan who said trees cause more air pollution than cars? And Jonah Goldberg says oil is “the real green fuel.” I’m sensing a pattern here. A totally Orwellian pattern.

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  8. No Realism, you're not the only one.

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  9. What about all those fish that pee in the rivers?

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  10. THIS can be the only response to the Deertruppen threat:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpBkc2jK-6w

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  11. Something IS full of shit here and it ain't the water!

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.