Teabag-American Candidate Upbraids Dung Dumping Ungulates

Former tight-end, farmer, and Sarah-endorsed teabagger-American senatorial candidate Clint Didier is on to something:

Dairies aren't the only source of nitrate contamination, Didier argued. There are also wild animals like deer and elk.

"I mean, their manure is in the water."

He's right. Contrary to what the science mongers say, factory farms and industrial dairies are not responsible for the rise in nitrate pollution in Eastern Washington. Elkofascists and their brutish deertrüppen minions are the true villains--they're the ones conducting a strategic dung-bombing campaign against our vital water supply.

Patriot Didier's contention is backed by the government's own figures. According to the USGS:

Concentrations of nitrate in ground water underlying irrigated cropland in some areas of eastern Washington have increased by as much as 100 times since the early 1950s when those areas were opened to irrigation [and first subject to the insatiable appetite Elkofacists and Deertruppen have for fresh hops, potatoes, apples, and sugar beets].

Yes, it's true. Elk and deer stuck to the backwoods and highways until noted Spokane communist Bing Crosby gave the Peshastin herd's Ann Elk a taste of one of Alger Hiss's pumpkins in 1951. Then, they began their invasion of our fields, discussing the works of Marx, Mao, Hitler and the beat poets while they dined on the fruits of our labor and taught the salmon to form their little fishy mouths into immoral shapes.

Now, they're everywhere, playing crude reindeer games, defacing our schools, churches, trailer parks and mini marts with dung graffiti, whistling at our white women, eyeing our favorite sheep, destroying neighborhoods with their indoor alfalfa growing operations, and, as Patriot Didier notes, taking huge ungulate-sized dumps in our water.

But I guess things could be worse. At least, the antlered bastards aren't trying to regulate agribusiness.