Today, I have a special treat for you. Sen. John McCain is guestposting. Please treat him with all the respect he deserves.
--Gen JC Christian, patriot
Thank you General. It's always a pleasure for me to use your electrical pamphlet intertubes typing machine to speak directly to the people.
I'm here, today, to talk about a problem my Navy is having. From what I gather, Navy Ensign Steve Crowston is upset about the call sign he was assigned. I can't figure out why he's whining. I'd have killed to have "Romo's Bitch" as my call sign.
It's a hell of a lot better than my old one, "Arrogant Douchebag." It was just two damned long. I couldn't get it out before crashing any of those planes. It was like "May Day, May Day, Arrogant DoucheCRASH." I had to auger nine planes in to get my reverse ace, because "Arrogant Douchenozzle" got credit for four of them.
And I don't think the other call signs Strike Fighter Squadron 136 came up with for Ensign Crowston were all that bad either. I mean, come on, "Fagmeister" and "Gay Boy" sound kind of Germanic and happy. They beat the hell out of my first call sign, "Goat Fucker." Try explaining to your dad, the Admiral, how you got the call sign, "Goat Fucker." It isn't an easy conversation to have--that's especially true if your dad, the Admiral, hears a goat bleating from inside your footlocker while your having that conversation.
It's the kind of call sign that sticks with you the rest of your life. Heck, I hear it even today. I'll be giving a speech, trying my damnedest to sound angrier and crazier than my primary opponent, JD Hayworth--you know what I mean; he'll say "kill all the Mexican Muslims," and I'll have to top it with something like "I promise to stab every black gay Muslim Mexican terror baby in the greater Phoenix metropolitan area, and then I'll eat their livers;" you know, something like that--and...uh...what the hell was I saying? Oh yeah, I'll be giving a speech, and all of a sudden, someone will yell out that first call sign. "Shut up you old goat fucker," they'll scream. And then that God-damned goat will start bleating.