Minister without Portfolio
Republic of Bulgaria
Dear Minster Dimitrov,
God must be very pleased with your war against nudity in church. How could he resist a defense of modesty as passionate as this:The Bulgarian women go to church in very revealing clothes, with only their nipples covered; compare them with the Russian women, of whom even the lowliest whore would put a headscarf on, and then enter a church.I'm sure that's why God blessed you with the bones of John the Baptist. Hopefully, you've put a scarf on the skull so no one notices his bony little nipples.
I hope you're not too disappointed when the bones don't provide the economic boom you predict. After all, they're only John the Baptist's bones. They can't compete with relics like Jesus' immaculate foreskin. Who wants to see a a baptist's femur when they can see Our Lord and Savior's little helmet cover?
What you need is an actual Jesus-related relic you can pair with the bones to give potential pilgrims a twofer.
I think I can help you. I'm willing to send you Jesus' blessed ass, or at least its bones, at no cost other than shipping and handling (which comes to around $7.7 million). That's a pretty damn good deal, considering all they joy the Bulgarian people will get out of seeing such a fine ass.
Let me know if you're interested.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
