Dropzone Security
CC: Norm Olson
Alaska Citizens Militia
Dear Mr. Fulton,
I'm very impressed by the operation against journalists you conducted for Tea Party candidate Joe Miller. Indeed, I'm so impressed, I'm offering you exclusive Alaskan distribution rights for my line of militia morale companions. I believe this could prove very lucrative for the both of us. Your ties to the Alaska Citizens Militia are invaluable. From what I've seen of them, there isn't a group of patriots anywhere who are more in need of a few hours alone with a young, attractive, morale sheep. It'd sure take the edge off 'em.
All of our morale sheep are personally trained by the men of of my unit, The American Christian Militia. Before shipping, each ewe is given a special pink morality brand, certifying that it was trained in a condom-free environment.
Recently, we've expanded our line to include morale llamas. We think they'll be popular with older militia leaders, like Norm Olsen, who may have problems squatting down to line-up on their target.
We do not offer male sheep or ewes. We're patriots, not sick fucks.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Move over, Mama Grizzlies-- you've got competition from Morale Sheeplies! But I'd urge caution on the llamas. I hear they spit instead of, well, you know...
ReplyDeleteWhen I lived in Wasilla, I worked for an outfit called Drop Pants Security. We hassled journalists and hussled young studs for Gov. Palin. I wonder if they're the same outfit, maybe operating under a different name.
ReplyDeleteI can vouch as to the quality of the General's entire lineup of morale mammals. Except for the wolverines. They behaved atrociously.
ReplyDeleteGeneral Sir!
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing patriot! Until reading your masterful prose to Mr Fulton, I had no idea there was such a thing as a male ewe.
Putting that aside, the real reason I'm dropping this note is that that sheep pictured looks eerily like Carly Fiorina's Demon Sheep. You don't think that there has been any infiltration of your morale sheep by any of those Californicators, do you?
Is that sheepie having the Big O? Squalling "OH GOD! OH GOD! Norm, I never KNEW it could be like this!"?
ReplyDeleteNo, that sheep is from "Black Sheep," one of the greatest Kiwi movies ever made. Heck, one of the greatest Anything movies ever made.
ReplyDelete