CC: Norm Olson
Alaska Citizens Militia
Dear Mr. Fulton,
I'm very impressed by the operation against journalists you conducted for Tea Party candidate Joe Miller. Indeed, I'm so impressed, I'm offering you exclusive Alaskan distribution rights for my line of militia morale companions.
I believe this could prove very lucrative for the both of us. Your ties to the Alaska Citizens Militia are invaluable. From what I've seen of them, there isn't a group of patriots anywhere who are more in need of a few hours alone with a young, attractive, morale sheep. It'd sure take the edge off 'em.
All of our morale sheep are personally trained by the men of of my unit, The American Christian Militia. Before shipping, each ewe is given a special pink morality brand, certifying that it was trained in a condom-free environment.
Recently, we've expanded our line to include morale llamas. We think they'll be popular with older militia leaders, like Norm Olsen, who may have problems squatting down to line-up on their target.
We do not offer male sheep or ewes. We're patriots, not sick fucks.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot