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Friday, November 26, 2010

The Opinuary Column

The Opinion "Human Beings would never elect a Monster Truck to be their leader" has died after an acute abdominal aortic aneurysm. The Opinion was thirty-two years of age, and had been in reasonably good health before the Citizens United ruling as handed down by the SCOTUS. Monster Truck enthusiasts greeted the news with a series of war whoops, yelps, howls, guttural screams and hollers. Democracy is ending! The time of the Monster Truck Leader is here!

The first Monster Truck candidates are expected to form exploratory PACs by early spring of 2011, in anticipation of the upcoming 2012 primaries. With their size and maneuverability, they are expected to dominate the political scene and flatten their opponents prior to the final Monster Truck Mash-Up on Election Day in November of 2012. Media moguls, banking interests, insurance corporations, military industrial complex concerns and fossil fuel entities will be fielding a lineup of killer metal giants in what may be the most exciting presidential contest ever seen! Tuesday, November 6th, 2012! Be there! Be there! Be there!

The Opinion will be dearly missed by all who believed that the richest people in the United States would not be able to manipulate a majority of the voting public via distractions and relentless propaganda, and by the sheer force of their economic power. In lieu of flowers the family of the deceased is looking for good seats at the Monster Truck Election. It should be totally awesome!


  1. Here's the problem I have with this:

    To the Supreme Court, elections are about competing interests, and any person, group or corporation with an interest ought to have the ability to speak his, her or its mind.

    First, why is the Supreme Court setting social policy? Do they represent the will of the people? Have they been elected, or at least do they confer extensively in hearings so that they could be as close to the public pulse as possible?

    When a government authors a new law, that law may yet be revisited, and revised based on operational realities. They are supposed to write laws to address social problems, and as such, there needs to be latitude that allows for the evolution of such laws. This is an ongoing process that will require prior and subsequent hearings to assess the effect of laws. How the f**k are twelve judges supposed to do all that? So what do they do? They attempt to fudge a precedence argument for new laws HAVING NO PRECEDENCE. Uh, oh..

    To conclude that a corporation should be able to speak its mind in the same way that an individual does, even while and individual will typically make judgments based on awareness AND conscience, however the corporate entity possesses NO such internal regulator. And they are to be equated to a person!? WTF?!

    This kind of thing so undermines the credibility of your federal institutions... mjs got it right: might as well be represented by the good-looking, fun, and essentially silly Monster Trucks ...

  2. I agree, Joe.
    However there are only nine judges in SCOTUS. You may be thinking of jurors.

  3. Mr. mjs, Sir:

    Your previous two commenters offer some grist for the mill, but they both avoid the obvious question.

    Will the Monster Trucks be "Teabagging" each other with their bumper nuts?

  4. America need strong candidate! Candidate who crush other candidates! Candidate who make other country wet panties with scaredy! Candidate who smash floppy halibut fish with club to show how man-manned up she is! USA! USA! USA! KILL! KILL! KILL!


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.