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Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Father Euteneuer Gets His Bone On

The Reverend Monsignor Ignacio Barreiro
Interim President
Human Life International

Dear Monsignor Barreiro,

Your organization made a mistake when it let its former president go. Not only was Father Thomas Euteneuer a valued leader of the compelled birth movement, he was also one of the Church's most gifted exorcists. Sure, his demon expulsion techniques were unconventional, but innovation is the mark of genius in any field.

I understand how easy it is to misunderstand Father Euteneuer's method, but, good golly, do you really think a Catholic Priest would get so turned on by a demon, he'd have sex with the woman he was exorcising? I mean, jebus, that's about as satanic a motivation as one could imagine.

Obviously, Father Euteneuer was getting his bone on for other reasons. I suspect he was having sex with that woman in order to drive the demon from her body.

Think about it. How do women react when we--OK, not you, but non-priests--have sex with them? Well, they vomit, curse, and cry. I imagine a demon has the same reaction. It just wants to get the Hell out of there.

I hope you'll think about this and re-evaluate Father Euteneuer's position.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. General sir!
    Look, we all know how powerful Satan is but I never thought... Who'd have known Satan and his demons had the power to rape a priest!?!
    Not only did Satan's minion rape a priest, but one as godly and chaste as Enterneuter! It makes the rape and abuse of Enterneuter's little soldier that much worse. I mean, I bet his little soldier is so holy that it has received blessings and has been kissed by the Popenfuhrer himself!!
    I am afraid. If Satan can rape someone so close to God, I could be raped by a woman possessed on the way home tonight!

  2. Most thinking KKKhristians would tell you that involuntary sexual interforce is a great way to exercise demons. Look at it this way -- demons are MALE spirits, eh? And if you were a male demonic spirit, wouldn't the repeated sweaty thrustings of a male priest make you want to flee the body of the unfortunate not-man you had infested? Even if she was a good-looking blonde teenager! Demons might want to hang on to that sort of girl longer, so repeared exorjisms would be necessary.

    I had not realized this before, but many of the women I have been involved with -- OK, there have not been MANY, technically speaking, but two out of the three of 'em -- might have possessed. That's because they often shouted "Get your hands off me, you pig! No way am I going to do that! You disgust me!" I thought they were just voicing a woman's normal, healthy revulsion with sex. But maybe it was demons inside them speaking!

    I feel better now. Because I know I survived encounters with pure evil. I'm referring to the demons when I say "pure evil," not my ex-wife. I have some other descriptive terms for her...

  3. I almost always cry during sex. It's probably from the pepper spray.

  4. General, Sir:

    Enter neuter? Is that a for real name? It's sort of a good name for a clereunuch but, damn!

  5. Seems to me the Vatican should demand Mr. Euteneuer cut his Johnson off as a sign of penitence. Certainly would solve the problem here.

  6. Anonymous3:26 AM

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.