"Ian Churchman" is a god-fearing man. He tries to raise up his young children in the ways of the Lord. But as we all know, sometimes, children fail to follow our commands, and we have to provide them with an opportunity to experience God's great and horrible wrath, firsthand.That's what Mr. Churchman was doing when he tied his young son's hands, shaved his head, and choked him with the tie Ian wears to church.
Unfortunately, New Zealand, the country where Mr. Churchman lives, has come under Satan's influence. Good, god-fearing Christian men and and not-men are persecuted there much like we are here in the US. The authorities arrested Mr. Churchman for inflicting God's mighty and terrible retribution upon his son.
Thankfully, the authorities did not count on Jesus intervening. He softened the hearts of the jurors--perhaps by tightening their neckties--and compelled them to set Mr. Churchman free. As one godly juror noted, the case caused her to be "embarrassed to be a New Zealander" because the Chruchmans were obviously "good decent parents trying to instil a sense of responsibility."
Hallelujah
General, Sir:
ReplyDeleteIsn't it hard to be persecuted if you don't really suffer? I mean I'm all for these folks being good KKKristian martyrs, but I want to them to die so they won't look like such wusses, knoi'msayin.?
You go God!
ReplyDeleteThere is clear evidence of Gods work here. in 2007, the nonchildbeating-fascists passed a bill to outlaw torturing your own child to a level near that of major organ failure.
ReplyDeleteGod immediately picked up the case and smited another, unrelated part of the country 4 years later by way of a horrifying earthquake to show displeasure.
Working in a mysterious way, the timing of this earthquake, 4 weeks before the decision, is irrefutable proof. God does not agree with not beating your child within an inch of its life.
Just to be safe, a church-going man like Mr. Churchpotato should farm out the disciplintorture to a neutral party. Caning young boys? I bet Crunchman could have gotten some Fathers to PAY him for the privilege of pulling down his boys' pants and strapping them. Of course, the people who would pay the highest in kiwitwee dollars would be Papish Fathers. Not that there's anything wrong with that. In the eyes of Pape Nazinger, at least.
ReplyDeleteP.S. The naughty youth that Whacking Jeezis is chastising there doesn't seem like a 10-year-old boy. Looks more like a 14-year-old runaway GIRL with dirty black hair, a white see-through blouse and tight blue jeans who needs some tough love. That's not Mr. Churchmouse's fantasy, that's MINE! One of 'em, at least.
ReplyDeleteThat's not the real Reptilican JESUS. Yeah, I mean he looks a lot like KKKicKKKAss JESUS and he'w got the mechanics right (good arc and peridocity, plus great hand/ass co-ordination). However, the adolescoperp still has their UNDIES on! 11ONEty!!
ReplyDeleteC'mon, nothin' says KKKristianlovin' like a manicured snakeoil salesman's palm on a smooth, soft yet firm, pair of teeniebuttocks. Besides, HELLO! What's this? I'll' uhm, be back in like three minutes (or less!).
Is it wrong that that pic turns me on.....Did I say that out loud?
ReplyDeleteBeating the devil out of our kids since before Jesus. We are the Christians.
ReplyDeleteIs Jesus beating the girl on his lap? Oh. I thought he was trying to place the innocent and doing wave whilst using the girl as a prop to hide his divine erection.
ReplyDelete