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Friday, April 22, 2011

Jesus Huckabee Christ: Special Double-Naught Government Agent.

My butt hurts too much to sit for long, so I'm just going to string a couple of quotes together to show you how Jesus and the government can work together.

In Texas:
NOW, THEREFORE, I, RICK PERRY, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas. I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal and robust way of life.
And in Kyrgyzstan (I think that's west of Laramie, near Big Hole):
In Kyrgyzstan, legislators have sacrificed seven sheep to drive out evil spirits out of the parliament chamber... The evidence of the evil spirits included disagreements between the two parties that came to an actual brawl recently on the floor.


  1. In Kyrgyzstan, legislators have sacrificed seven sheep to drive out evil spirits...

    Please tell me none of them were morale sheep!

  2. Very clever of Gov Perry to ask people of ALL faiths and denominations to pray. Hedging his bets just in case...

    Now, if he were really a faithful man of The True Faith , he'd tell those moozlems not to bother.

  3. If rain is the sign of God's favor, he apparently loves us in upper Midwest and hates Texas. Either that or the governor needs to pray harder, because God keeps missing him with the holy rain and hitting us. You can never tell what the proper incantation is with God.

  4. Anyone have a spell for driving out the demons currently occupying the House of Representatives?


  5. The lack of rain in Texas is probably Satan's way of tricking people into believing Al Gore's global warming stories... prayer is thus a far better solution than, say raising taxes and using the money to pay for more firefighters.

    They can also pray for a federal handout, thus showing how we don't need federal help.

  6. General, Sir:

    My heart goes out to Sheliah the Morale Ewe (whether because of the mistaken sexual identity or the Kyrigostanian ovisariesiancide).

    Doesn't Goveraleieter Bighair know that he can't have it both ways. You can't have wonderful, warm and sunny days so's your hair won't turn into a 'boy bouffant' AND have pinpoint rain dronin' delivered by the celestial C-in-C.

    On a side note sir, I am distressed. Cletus is a fucking COLONEL. Since malfeasance, theft and misappropriation of the compound's vehicles have not resulted in my being promoted, I just gotta ask: who do I have to fuck in this man's army to get some rank?

  7. I prefer the Kyrgyzstan solution. Free mutton for everybody.

  8. I'll be god damned if it didn't rain though, and with more on the way. Say what you will about Perry, god must love his hair.

  9. Sorry I'm late. So errr... did it rain?


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.