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Thursday, May 12, 2011

Are you Rapture Ready?

I'm offering a special Rapture-ready product on Craigslist:
Rapture Ready Mirror Ball Suit - $250000 (Seattle)

Date: 2011-05-11, 1:16PM PDT
Reply to:

Are you ready for the Rapture on May 21, 2011? Sure, you may have all the duct tape you'll need to strap your favorite items to your body (After all, Heaven wouldn't be Heaven without that "Live From Branson" box set). But are you prepared for the EVIL OBAMUNIST USURPER'S response?

Certainly, he will not stand by idly while god-fearing men and not-men are launched into the heavens to join Jesus' Celestial Armies of Righteousness. Obama's gotta respond. He's going to activate the Strategic Defense Initiative's space lasers and shoot the godly down. It'll be ugly. The righteous will explode in clouds of blood like so many lawyer faces at a Cheney hunting party.

But those of us who have the foresight to wear mirror ball suits will survive. Obama's luciferian lasers will bounce harmlessly off our bodies as we arc gracefully into Heaven. For a mere $250,000--money you'll no longer need after you're raptured--you can shoot into God's arms safely, heterosexually, and in style.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot
  • Location: Seattle
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


  1. I’m all in. I may have to rob a few liquor stores to come up with the scratch, but they won’t need money after The Rapture comes.

  2. I've been communicating with a few people whose websites explain why May 21st is the date. I'm trying to convince them that it is our Christian duty to inform and save as many people as possible.
    I hadn't even thought about the Obama factor.
    Still, I don't have $250K. Since its the end of the world and all, I thought I'd umm... divert a plane (When Jesus is Judging me, I'm sure he won't mind as no-one worthy will care on the 22nd). I'd fly(well, coerce the pilot to) somewhere like Canadastan where Obamist thugs won't be able to shoot at me whilst I ascend. Besides, it'll be spring there and I'm sure 1/2 way up it'll look rather pretty down there.

  3. Anonymous9:41 PM

    Given you're not sure whether Extra-Marital Blow Jobs are a Good Thing or not...does your $250K Mirror Ball Suit allow for those blow jobs? Because if not, that'd be a major design deficiency.

  4. Plus Obamagozer would never shoot at anything resembling a mirrorball, because mirrorballs are like the symbol of TehGhey, and we all know how the Obama Administration has done EVERYTHING that teh TehGheyAgenda wants.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.