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Monday, June 20, 2011

Dick! And The Murderous Witches of Liberty County

Sheriff Henry Patterson
Liberty County, Texas

cc: Angel Patterson
Dental Hygienist

Dear Sheriff Patterson,

It's a shame you were unable to locate any bodies at the house in Hardin. I'm sure they are there, somewhere. After all, it was a prophetess, a mouthpiece for our Lord, Jesus Christ, not just some nut off the street, who provided you with the tip.

You haven't released the identity of that prophetess beyond saying that her name is Angel, but I suspect it may be Angel Patterson, who serves as a prophetess/dental hygienist for Wings of Fire Ministries out of Abilene.

If that's the case, it might explain why her prophecy lacked the specificity you needed to find the bodies. Perhaps she got a little too close to the N2O while receiving the prophecy during a particularly difficult root canal procedure.

Call her again. Put your faith in God and ask the prophetess to plead with the Holy Ghost for GPS coordinates or a good dowsing rod.

In the meantime, I have another bit of prophesying for you to work on. Last night, after vigorously smelling Cousin Earl's latest batch of powdered Confederate lightening, I received a revelation from the Lord. He showed me dozens of bodies--all shot in the face--lying at the bottom of Champion Lake.

Bubbles emanated from their orifices, forming letters then names and descriptions as they combined above each body. The descriptions were all the same: "Hunted With Dick!"

I immediately saw these descriptions for what they were. There is no mistaking what Prophetess Angel calls the third weapon of witchcraft, "strong confusion." It was there in my revelation. Witches had viciously slaughtered these fine hunters and were now framing America's greatest leader for their crime.

Go there now. Go to 29.9211°N 94.8003°W, recover those bodies, and begin seeking justice against these witches.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: From Prophetess Angel's Signs of Witchcraft:
Excessive use of the question, "Is every thing alright?" is a sure
 indication of witchcraft's probing.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.