Here's mine. I sent it to every newspaper on the list.
Gov. Rick Scott asked me to send a pre-written letter from his website, but I'm changing it to make it more personal.
For years, I was plagued with strange, disgusting, immoral thoughts that were beamed directly into my brain via microwaves generated by the homosexualists in the teachers union.
Sometimes, they'd instruct me to do...uh..."wicked things" with various objects like cucumbers, 12 gauge shotgun shells, and biblical action figures--the phone book was the worst.
Gov. Scott helped me to put a stop to it by telepathically instructing me to wrap my head with aluminum foil and cute little flowers made from pipe cleaners.
By golly, it worked!
Now all the microwaves simply bounce off my head, and if I hold it at the correct angle, they hit my neighbor, Mr. Beck, right in his manly bulge package (take that Speedo-boy!).
All Gov. Scott asked for in return was that I give him the deed to my house.
No communist would have thought of foil and pipe cleaners.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot