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Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Gotta Have A Jesus Pass to Stay in Congress

I didn't worry when OfJoshua caught me trying to seduce not-men by sending them pictures of my briefs (see photo at right). All I needed to do to make things right was humiliate myself by publicly asking Jesus to forgive me for sinning--I call it "whipping out the Jesus Pass." It's quick, easy and 100% effective with Christian audiences (the only ones that count).

It's not the first time I've gotten out of a fix by whipping out my Jesus Pass. Long time readers might remember how I used it after I was caught performing unspeakable acts of carnality with a melon (see video below).

The Senate Republican Caucus would be in a shambles if it wasn't for the Jesus Pass. Larry Craig whipped it out from a wide stance; John Ensign played it after cuckolding his friend; and David Vitter got a bunch of guilt-free harlot diapering out of a single swipe of his pass. None were forced to resign. Heck, Sen. Vitter used his Jesus Pass to get re-elected.

I'm not sure Rep Anthony Weiner will be so lucky. He didn't publicly ask Jesus for forgiveness. I know he's a Hebrew and all, but that's no excuse for offending Real Americans by not whipping out a Jesus Pass during an official humiliation ritual. It's god damned sacrilege. You know He's toast.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.