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Friday, July 29, 2011

Our Glorious Confederacy is Still at War

Praise Jesus, the Confederate government finally raised enough money to put their website back up--AND THEY DID IT WITHOUT TAXES! It's a shame the Union refuses to do the same. I'd rather contribute a few bucks to keep on line than have my hard earned wages stolen to buy food and shelter for a bunch of lazy old people.

But enough said about that, I found important news on the CSA website I need to share with you.

We're still at war with the Union. It says so on the Confederate States Department of War Page:
It is recognized that the Lincoln war still continues awaiting a peace Treaty with the Federal Union of the United States. The Secretary of War should work with the Secretary of Defense in preparations and planning of security measures.
More about the current state of war can be found in the CSA FAQ (It's like the Declaration of Independence but without all that "all men are created equal" crap):
Since when does a General surrender for a Nation and its Government? Robert E. Lee surrendered his Northern Virginia Army because they were out of ammunition and were starving to death waiting to be overrun by Sherman's well fed Yankee Army who had plenty of ammunition. Several other Confederate Generals were still in the field with troops elsewhere. Meanwhile, President Jefferson Davis was making an emergency relocation of the seat of the Confederate Government, along with most of the cabinet of the Confederate States of America, ultimately headed for Texas where it was believed that the remaining Generals could hold back the Yankee forces. President Davis, however, was captured and imprisoned, but Judah Benjamin, the Secretary of State, escaped to London, England. President Davis and Secretary of State Benjamin both refused to surrender the Government of the C.S.A. and thus no surrender ever occurred and no Peace Treaty was ever signed. Thus a state of war, declared upon the South by Abraham Lincoln, still persists resulting in continued occupation and reconstruction by the military, civil, economic and judicial powers of the Federal Union. Additionally, the Yankee Banking/Corporatist/Communist establishment behind the Federal Union (USA, Inc.) continues to press for more destructive educational and ecclesiastic restrictions towards the establishment of a State Religion of Secular Humanism. (The worship of flawed science and the State.)
Yes, my fellow Confederate patriots, the CSA has outlawed the use of paragraphs--structured writing is a humanistocommie trick. Long strings of sentences are a form of monogamy. Chopping your writing into multiple paragraphs is basically a surrender to promiscuity. The paragraph trains the mind to seek multiple partners for the purpose of dirty, filthy fornication. It subliminally provokes the reader to seek out forbidden cavities to lustfully defile. Read enough of them, and you'll soon be thinking of Mr. Garcia's taut, muscular ass and how much you want to bite it...excuse me for a moment... ... ... ... Uh, yeah. Paragraphs are very bad.

OK, uh, back to the CSA website. It has pages for all of the important departments: State, which pledges to " negotiate a peace treaty between the Confederate States of America and the United States of America in order to facilitate and end the occupation of the Confederate States...;" Treasury, whose page is appropriately blank; Justice, to recruit then there "court troops;" Defense, which plays the part of the defensive team as opposed to the Department of War's offensive troops;" the Constitutional Court, like the US Supreme Court but constitutional; the Security Council, which serves as a multiple bodied president--like during the Bush/Ny-Quil/Cheney/Rush Administration.

But most importantly, there's a page for the Confederate Intelligence Bureau. I think I've mentioned them in other posts, but now I can copy and paste its history and duties:
Beginning in May of 2000 key people in the Southern Independence movement began keeping notes on those who seemed to be doing the greatest damage to the movement by misdirection and by being agents provocateur and who were always attempting to keep the pot boiling so to speak and create internal strife. The intelligence activities continued within the Federation of States under several internal reports and memos were written with conclusions during the summer of 2004. Finally, on November 1, 2004, the Constitutional Court of the C.S.A. issued an order creating the Confederate Intelligence Bureau (CIB).

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.