We May Lose in Mississippi, but We're Still Liberating Spermatazoan-Americans

Sure, we're losing in Mississippi, but, dammit, there are other ways to help our tiniest citizens. My Huckebee Center for Liberation and Housing of Spermatazoan-Americans is nearing its fourth birthday.

Here's the press release announcing its grand opening in January 2008.

Press Release

***Embargoed until 3:00 pm PST, Sunday. Jan. 20, 2008***

Contact: Gen.JC Christian, patriot

The Mike Huckabee Center for the Liberation and Housing of Spermatazoan-Americans Opens

January 20, 2008 is a day that will live forever in the hearts of Americans, for it is the day the Mile Huckabee Center for the Liberation and Housing of Spermatazoan-Americans opened it's doors for the first time in Tremonton, Utah.

"I've worked hard every day of my life to get to this point," said Center Director Gen. JC Christian shortly after Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter cut the ribbon and opened the facility. "I've been saving Spermatazoan-Americans from the Tubesock Holocaust for years," Gen. Christian continued, "by liberating them and providing them homes in mason jars I kept in my cellar until I ran out of room. This facility gives me the space I need to continue to give them their freedom."



Gen. Christian got the idea to name the Center after presidential candidate Mike Huckabee when he heard Huckabee state his support for the Georgia Personhood Amendment and the Human Life Amendment to the United States Constitution. "I thought if Gov. Huckabee supports granting civil rights to embryo-Americans and to the little 70 cell blastocyst-Americans, then surely he supports the rights of our tiniest citizens, the spermatazoan-Americans," Gen. Christian recalled. "I believe that if Gov. Huckabee achieves the presidency, he will finally put an end to the tubesock holocaust," he continued.



The Center is composed of three sections. The first is called "The Liberation Station." It is here where the hard work of liberating Spermatazoan-Americans is done. Special materials, including a Sears Catalog and a photo of Rosie Palm, are provided to make the liberation process easier.



The second section contains rows upon rows of shelves where the freed Spermatazoan-Americans are housed in mason jars until a good family is found to take them in.



The last section is the Liberators Hall of Fame. It's a large framed exhibit which features some of the greatest Spermatazoan-American liberators, men like Sen. Larry Craig and "Disco" Rudy Guiliani.



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