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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

UNCLEAN! Not-Men Rebelling Against the Brethren

Sister J., a young Mia Maid who our Heavenly Father blessed with Asperger’s Syndrome, was recently caught in an attempt to desecrate our holy temple's baptism-by-proxy dunking tub. Here's how her mother explains it:
Walking down the hall on my way back to the baptistry, I heard the familiar and unmistakable sound of my daughter starting to Freak Out. My daughter has a history of getting upset over something at church and rapidly escalating to Freak-Out Mode without any care or consideration to how loud or inappropriate she’s being, so you can bet I hustled my person to where she was, wondering what on earth could have set her off so early in the game.

Well, what happened was that after I had left the little room, another sister walked in and asked The Question:

“Are any of you girls having your period?”

As it happened, my daughter was having her period. (Thanks for asking!) In fact, it had arrived that very day. She was wearing a tampon (and had brought extras), but that didn’t matter: if you were on your period, you could do confirmations [recieve the Holy Ghost for the dead], but you could not go into the baptismal font.

My daughter was offended and humiliated (mostly humiliated). She did not want to stay and do confirmations; she just wanted to go home. Frankly, I didn’t blame her. So I went back upstairs, got changed again, and we went out for pizza instead. (Sorry, dead people.)
Mrs. Sister J. goes on to compound the attempt at sin by questioning the Brethren's decision to bar the "unclean" from being dunked for the dead:
I’m saying that turning menstruating women away from the baptismal font is a) unnecessary and b) unnecessarily offensive. It may not scar us for life, but it does tick the living heck out of women like me–who aren’t particularly prone to fits of feminist pique, but who get tired of being told that such and such is the rule even though there’s no good reason for it. We have to accept enough mysteries on the doctrinal front. Random policies that affect only us and have no discernible purpose behind them remind us that when it comes to our problems–even those very small problems that could very easily be solved–we are at the mercy of people who have no idea what it’s like to be us.
I can't understand why Mrs. Sister J. is so upset. I mean hey, no one in spirit prison wants their baptism to be desecrated by menstrual hormones, and it's not like they're banning something that is suddenly unavoidable and very funny to 14-yr-old priesthood holders, like peeing mid-immersion. I just don't get why she's so rebellious.

A helmet tip to Main Street Plaza.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.