Thinking Long and Hard

Stacy Sampson
Attorney

Dear Mrs Sampson,

I've done a lot of thinking about your statement about Playboy being available at the Billings jail. You know, the one where you said:

I can't think of any legitimate reason that an inmate needs access to any sort of adult pornography.

After days and nights of struggling to understand why an inmate would want access to Playboy, I believe I have an answer. They use it to masturbate.

Hope I've been helpful.

Heterosexually yours, in a chaste, biblically appropriate, and edgily frustrated non-speed-spilling kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot