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Friday, April 27, 2012

Another "Who'd have Thunk It."

Update: Police have surrounded his bunker.

Peter Alex Keller was everything a patriot should be. He was a gun enthusiast who exercised his Second Amendment rights by owning "several hand guns," "several large caliber rifles" and multiple silencers. He was a body-armor-wearing survivalist who hated the guvmint and was "preparing for the end of the world" by stockpiling weapons and supplies at a fort he built in the woods." He sported a modified middle-aged version of the official doo of the Confederacy--commonly called a mullet.

Yes, he was everything a patriot should be. Heck, all he needed was a few poaching convictions and people might might have mistaken him for Ted Nugent.

But something strange happened on Sunday.

Police say Mr. Keller walked into his 18 year old daughter's room where she was lying on the top bunk, placed the muzzle of a .22 caliber pistol flush against her head, and pulled the trigger. He then went into the master bedroom, where he shot his wife twice in the head. Moving onto the kitchen, he shot his beloved dog and the family cat before placing a container filled with gasoline on the stove and setting the burners to "high." After leaving another five gasoline containers around the house, he left.

Police believe he is now hiding out in his End Times fort in the woods.

This is one of those cases that, much like the Ken Myers and the Landon Jorgensen murders, is hard to believe that a gun-worshipping, guvmint-hating, End-Times-believing patriot is capable of committing such a crime. You just have to wonder if gangs of hoodie-wearing Mexican Muslim socialists might be secretly fluoridating our water supply. It's something we should check into.
Certification of Probable Cause: Peter Keller North Bend (WA) Homicides

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.