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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Elbows are an Abomination in the Eyes of the Lord

Jenny Oaks Baker, daughter of God's Great and Terrible Inquisitor General for the Problem of Sodomitism, Mormon Apostle Dallin H. Oaks, knows what it's like to be persecuted by the gentiles.*

One week ago today, she did like so many other good sisters do when they buy a new dress; she set about to make it pleasing to the eyes of the Lord by extending its sleeves to hide her elbows, yes, hide them from the lustful eyes of filthy men who rub their crotches as they dream of all things carnal and fleshy. To do so, she had to venture from the safety of her Godly home and into the sinful world in which dealers of textiles market their wares. That's when things turned ugly.

Sister Baker wasn't looking for a fight. She only wanted to quickly pay for her fabric without exposing her wrist for more than an instant, but, unfortunately, the clerk had questions.

"Oh, what are you making?" she inquired.
"I'm extending a sleeve to make my dress more modest," Sister Barker replied.
"Well," the clerk responded, haughtily, "doesn't the dress already cover what needs to be covered?"

There it was, the religious persecution that God's chosen people must face every day.

Below, Sister Baker shares her pain with those who understand.

*Mormons refer to all non-Mormons as "gentiles." Noting this, Mark Twain once wrote: "In Utah, even the Jews are gentiles."

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.