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Monday, November 26, 2012

The Case for Alabama Nationhood

We marvel at the massive, colossal size of Mother Alabama. Its vast expanses are so great, they seem limitless even to the grand League of the South:
Like many other States of this once-voluntary union, Alabama has all that is necessary to be a separate, independent republic...In total area (roughly 50,000 square miles) it is equal to or larger than Slovakia, Estonia, Denmark, The Netherlands, Switzerland, Belgium, Israel, and Taiwan.
Lets see what the whole European country of Luxembourg looks like when we place it on a map of mighty Mother Alabama. Ha, ha, ha, it looks like that big ol' oozing boil I have in my crotchal area. Whole Europe-style nations are easily swallowed up by the vast expanse of Mother Alabama.

But can Mother Alabama survive as a nation if Uncle Sam cut off its allowance?

The League of the South continues:
Indeed, Alabama could be largely self-sufficient as an independent republic by using and selling to others the produce, both natural and man made, of our great State...
About 80% of Alabama agricultural production comes from livestock, with the other 20% from a large variety of crops. Livestock production is dominated by broilers (young chickens used for cooking) at 60%; cattle production is next at about 12%. The remaining 28% is made up of hog, chicken egg, and aquaculture (catfish and crawfish) production). Crop production in Alabama is led by greenhouse and nursery produce, and though cotton production is down significantly from earlier decades, it is still an important crop. Alabama produced 4% of America's total cotton crop in 2004, mainly in the fertile Tennessee Valley.
Ha, ha, ha, Alabama has all the chickens, catfish, and cotton it needs to become a global superpower all on it's own. By God, we could be the next Uzbekistan!

A helmet tip to those good comrades at CCCP1.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.