Real Men Shoot a Blessed Arrow

Brian Martin is a sinner. He rejected God's command to multiply and be fruitful and, instead, chose to shutdown his spermatazoan-American highway by having a vasectomy.

But now, brother Martin is repentant and wants to restore his vasa deferentia to their former glory. But that kind of retooling is costly. Thankfully, Blessed Arrows, a group that helps "Christian couples to confess openly their sin, repent before God and others, and act on that repentance through obedience in putting their bodies back the way God designed them," is willing to help.

They've established a fund to help Brother Martin and have raised $669.16 of the $2000 needed to bring his salad shooters back up to Jesus' standards. But they can't do it alone. They need our help. So please consider helping Brother Martin regain the ability to shoot blessed arrows by sending a few dollars, chickens, or mason jars filled with liberated spermatazoan-Americans to the fund.

When a man's grenades need re-arming

Dawn Irons
Blessed Arrow Ministries

Dear Mrs. Irons,

I am awed by the good work you are doing with your vasectomy reversal ministry. If I were less of a man, say perhaps a 7 or an 8 on the manly scale of absolute gender, I might have even shed a few tears after reading the heartfelt success stories written by the Gammages, Brights, and others. I understand their pain. I too have a grenade related problem I need your help to correct.

No, I haven't had a vasectomy, but I'm certain my grenades are damaged--probably from a milking machine incident that occurred back in my younger days. I don't really want to get into that now, but I've learned my lesson and have rededicated myself to a life of purity.

But you see, even though I've changed, the damage has been done. There is something inside my grenades or the tubes feeding from them that changes my seed and causes me to father darker-hued children. Joshua Jr. is so brown he looks like a Mexican. That's not an exaggeration. I've stood him next to our neighbor, Mr. Garcia, and they are spitting images of each other.

The same is true of little Jason and our milkman, Mr. Watanabi, and our dear Esther and Dr. Washington, the school principal. It's very embarrassing. Especially when Joshia calls Mr. Garcia, "daddy." I don't know why my wife, OfJoshua, encourages that, but I suppose it's to hide her own embarrassment--I mean they look more like a family than we do.

So, I'm asking for your help. Could you get one of your doctors to take a look at my grenades and see if anything can be done to fix them?

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically acceptable kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot