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Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The absolute true tale of the adventures of Gov. Mark Stanford, double-naught spy

By the time you read this, you may "know" where Governor Mark Sanford's been for the last week. I put the word, "know," in quotation marks because all you'll really have is the official explanation. It'll probably be something like he wandered off into the woods or he ran off to blow some guys in a restroom to prove his heterosexuality or he hung himself in some kind of compassionate act of Spermatazoan-American liberation--you know, the kind of thing we conservatives are apt to do in our free time.

But any such explanation would only be a cover story to hide the truth about what he's been up to. You see, Gov. Sanford has been on a secret mission.

It's rather obvious if you think about it? Why else would a good family man leave town for a week without telling his wife or kids where he was going, or even that he was gone. Indeed, his mission was so secret, he couldn't risk calling them, not even on Father's Day.

So what was he really doing? My sources say he was in a secret Twitter war room along with some of our greatest Keyboard Kommandos--people like Allahpundit, Erik Erikson, and Pete Hoekstra--demonstrating solidarity with the people of Iran as we eagerly await the order from America's greatest conservative leader, Benjamin Nethayahu, to bomb the shit out of them.

Godspeed, Gov. Sanford.

Photo Credit


  1. General sir, It's quite normal around these parts here in the great repugnutin South for the men fold to take off for weeks at a time in the wilderness dealing with nature and the elements. As far telling the womenfolk where you might be going, well, that's for what's that word? Head of the houses and home government just doesn't do that around here, it undermines the authority.

    Anyway,the man came back, he dealt with it and I "know" it's so cause he told us it's so and it's quite normal and manly thing for real American men to do down here.

  2. Anonymous10:19 AM

    I happen to live under the rule of Mr Sanford, who we refer to as the UnGovernor. The State Supreme Court had to force him to accept $700 million of our allocation of stimulus money, even though it was pointed out that SC citizens would still be on the hook along with everyone else to pay this debt off one day and that they money will prevent about 800 teachers from being laid off. Another sign of his fearless leadership: all ten of his vetoes were overridden by a legislature that is about 60% republican; several of them were overridden unanimously. I hope this guy runs for President in 2012; it will be delightful to see him lose the SC primary.

  3. General, Sir:

    It would appear that reading comprehension is among the skills that the governor's staff have not quite mastered. It seems that Governor Sanford was actually in Argentian and not on the Appalachian Trail as was previously reported by someone who is a trusted staff member. Wowser, Sir, just wowser!

    I think, Sir, that this will be my last comment for a while. It took multiple attempts, eleven, if I'm counting correctly, to finally post this comment. While my time is of little value, my sanity is--to me at least. If anybody knows why this happens and can suggest a fix I'll be happy to hear it. FWIW, this is the only website with which I experience this problem.

  4. Phew! Governor Mark Sanford and his amazing adventures a) on the Appalachian Trail, b) "writing something," c) getting away from his kids for Father's Day, d) visiting Buenos Aires in the company of an Unnamed Individual, and whatever else he may have been up to, have succeeded in... pushing Sarah Palin out of the headlines.

    Ohhhhh, she's gonna be so pissed! SP's gonna stamp her peep-toed pumps in indignation!

  5. Anonymous1:26 PM

    Who goes to Buenos Aires during their Winter solstice? It's 55 degrees during the day!

  6. Demmo, I have a problem also, no I mean with the posting also. If I make a mistake and try to correct it, as in go back an edit it, I lose it all and have to recreate the whole thing. Knowing that it will do that I have tried to copy what I've written before I go back and make a correction. It won't let me do that either. I would hate to lose your comments. does anybody know how to work this thing?

  7. General, as you live in the Great Pacific Northwest, you can have no idea what a den of iniquity the Appalachian Trail can be. Especially this time of year, it averages 2.6 handsome, muscled, sweaty men per mile, all of them carting backpacks with such essential items as Vaseline (for waterproofing boots) and rohypnol (for soothing pesky aches and pains after a long day of hiking). Many a hetero man has ventured onto the Appalachian Trail, only to return a shattered homo wreck.

  8. ... and many of those have used the "Argentina defense" to conceal what really went on in the woods.

  9. That didn't go very well for Governor Sanford now, did it?

  10. Anonymous5:02 PM

    To use a David-Letterman-ism: What a hump.

  11. Excerpt from Appalachia Radio Broadcast, June 19, 2009:

    Don't lie to me, Argentina
    (You were supposed to be wilderness hiking)
    I wanted nookie, too much to ask for?

    I kept my llamas!
    (transmission garbled)

    (End of transmission)


  12. you all people know about affair of Mark standford with super up girl of argentina. Look her photo click here


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.