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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Manning Up for Sarah

By now, I'm sure you've all read that pointy-headed profislamunistfascist's academic paper about Trig Paxson Van Palin's birth. He doesn't really say a lot that we don't already know, other than to speculate why Our Beloved Lady of the Immaculate Teabag is stonewalling any effort to put the issue to rest.

Sarah's told us the true story and there's nothing in it to rouse the suspicions of a true patriot. Indeed it's the kind of birth story a fine, caring mother of her high caliber would tell. Here's a summary:
  • Sarah learns she is pregnant.
  • Gov. Palin is told that her fetus-American has downs syndrome and that her pregnancy is high risk. She decides to carry it to term anyway. The godly men and women of the compelled birth movement cheer.
  • "Slightly less than eight months into her pregnancy," Sarah's water breaks while she's in Texas. She's scheduled to address the Republican Governor's Association the next day.
  • She calls her doctor and asks if giving birth to a premature downs syndrome baby trumps her duty to speak to a bunch of Republican governors. Her doctor presumably tells her she can do both--God gave us penicillin to protect us when our water breaks.
  • Gov. Palin stays the night and gives the speech the next day.
  • Sarah passes the Baylor Medical Center Neonatal Intensive-Care Unit on her way to the airport to catch a plane to Alaska.
  • She boards the plane but forgets to alert the crew that she's giving birth to a high-risk, premature baby with downs syndrome.
  • Her plane stops at Seattle's SeaTac Airport before eventually landing in Anchorage.
  • Sarah passes Anchorage's Providence Hospital, and its neonatal intensive-care unit, on her hour long drive to the Mat-Su Regional Medical Center just outside Wasilla. She isn't concerned that Mat-Su doesn't have a neonatal intensive-care unit, because despite being premature and suffering from downs syndrome, Trig knows how to man up.


  1. I have rare footage of the First Dude, Tood & Sarah. The first 30 seconds covers Trig's birth:

  2. There's lotsa reezins futureVPILF Palin mighta risked the health of lil' feetus Sprig by bypassing those other hospitals.

    If she hadda calved in some Texas hospital, a Meskin coulda touched Trog and summathat swarthiness coulda rubbed off on him. Imagine the stories that would have followed about "Who is the REAL father?"

    And if Sarah dropped the tot in some Washington Hospital, a dirty stinking liberal -- Washington State is fulla libs, eh Dan and Tammy? -- mighta touched her and given her libbocooties. Or a nurse coulda taken a sneaky photo of Sarah's secret assets -- which is not her ass! (is "pussets" a word?) -- and sold it on teh Internets tubez.

    Or maybe Sarah wanted to get the help of Joe the Plumber to fix her broken water problems! Or maybe she was afraid that she might have burdened the taxpayers of Alaska with the bill for socialist health care in a different state, so she came back to Mat-Su where she could pay the entire cost of the birth out of her own pocket. Because I'm sure she did not use government-paid health care for the birthin' of lil' deflicted Tread.

    Or worst of all, she might have been worried that if she pushed out a less-than-perfect babykins anywhere else, some Obamacare Death Panel would order lil' Spurt inserted directly into the Cuisinart Infanticider©®℗℠™!!! And don't give me any BS about how Obama hadn't even been fraudulently elected president (by ACORN!) or proposed his death panels when Sprat was hatched. Sarah is SO smart, and SO dangerous to the liberal power structure, that Obama would have sent a Terminator back in time to do it, just like in that movie.

    In short, our North Star had a million excuses for what she did. Only a filthy, cynical liberal would say she did it because she hoped her precious burden-for-life would die tragically, thereby saving her a lot of trouble and making her a more sympathetic character. Where do lisbbos come up with such ideas, anyway?

  3. I can see Sarah's uterus from my front porch, but I try not to look.

  4. It's Down syndrome, bro. All the twists and turns of this story lead me to believe that she was trying to produce a stillborn as part of the lord's work. And it's obvious that her nose didn't grow one bit.

  5. Being the Godly woman that she is, she named the child for his genetic disorder. Down syndrome (Trisomy 21 or Trisomy G): Trig = Tri+G

  6. What Rowfant said.

    Todd tagged along so that the State Police security detail would not insist on going to a hospital when the leakage started.

    After all, if Trig did not survive birth, think of all the sympathy Palin would have gotten.

  7. The correct term for a Mama Grizzly is 'sow grizzly'.

    Nothing is a burden for life to Sarah. She gets only what she wants, or others pay.

    You can't take a dead baby on the campaign trail.

    You're not going to predict water breaking prematurely before you book the flight to Texas.

    Why not take your spouse along if somebody else is paying for it.

    You might fake a pregnancy to appear younger, more feminine.

    You might plant a back story about adopting your daughters bastard child to explain the fake pregnancy. It would be sympathetic, people remember when pregnancy was shameful and this was done.

    Given Republican fondness for accusing others of the same thing they themselves are doing, Trig was probably born in Kenya.

    You might have to rush home when you hear that your new political asset was premature.

  8. Oops

    Having people say your teenage daughter is a slut, to cover for your fake presidency? - No problem at all.

    When you discover she's really pregnant? - Big Problem! How could she do that to you? Drag that little whore out on stage to punish her!


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.