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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Proof of Obama's Grand Strategy for Seizing the Heartland's Heart

The Honorable Tom Head
Lubbock County Judge

Dear Judge Head,

I firmly believe taxation is nothing more than a collectivist plot to make us dependent on government services. Hell, I have 127 guns, a 25' garden hose, and an extensive collection of gladiator movies recorded on Betamax, why would I need police and fire protection, much less a social safety net.

That said, I'm one guy, and I'm man enough to admit that I couldn't take on more than a couple of Sovietstanian armored divisions without a little help. That's why I salute you for trying to impose a 1.7% property tax to fund a militia to defend Lubbock against Obama's globalist UN armies.

Sure, there are many who laugh at you for believing such a thing. They just can't comprehend what should be obvious: there ain't no way Satan is going to sign Obama's Antichrist certification papers until he completes the "Subjugate Lubbock, Texas" requirement. Of course the skeptical bastards require more proof than such a well-reasoned conclusion; they require what they call "evidence," and I have just that.

Earlier this week, I found a floppy disk wedged in an old hog washer I traded for at a swap meet. I immediately put it into my electrical interwebs machine and found what they call a PowerPoint presentation. It was created by Obama. I could tell that because each picture had the words "Office of the OBAMUNIST USURPER" printed in the lower right hand corner. As I investigated further, I learned that it was called the "Grand Strategy for the Heartland."

And it seemed to call for the taking of Possum Hollow, Tupelo, and, yes, Lubbock.

It even outlined the OBAMUNIST USURPER's strategy for subjugating Lubbock.

So there's the evidence you need. Let me know if you need any help. I have this here theory that if you shoot a CCI .22 cal. "Stinger" bullet down a tank's barrel, you can compress its depleted uranium shell enough to cause a nuclear explosion--that's all scientific and stuff. I'd be glad to try it out while defending Lubbock.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.