Your catalog causes me to have impure thoughts
Michael Jeffries
Chairman and CEO
Abercrombie & Fitch
Dear Mr. Jeffries
Pastor Dobson says your catalog is immoral. I haven't seen it--I buy my clothes at Walmart--however, I've seen these flashy underwear advertisements in the newspaper. Men prancing around in tight underwear, displaying their unnaturally sized bulges like so many baboons offering up their blood engorged red bottoms in an effort to entice God-fearing baboon men into committing unspeakable acts of depravity.
A man can't resist something like that no matter how God-fearing he may be. He sees those bulges and he starts thinking about his own little soldier. Pretty soon, Private Johnson is standing at attention and you're conduct a thorough short arms inspection.
Those bulges crowd your mind and Satan starts to work on you. You see visions of yourself riding on Rev. Falwell's naked back, yelling "wooooo doggieeee" as you slap his deep pink flesh with a spatula.
Eventually, every nerve of your body explodes and your little soldier coughs up Satan's own warm and sticky seed. The Dark One laughs heartily and leaves your mind to find another good man who has been made weak by a National Geographic pictorial of those head hunters with the huge sheaths. You're left spent and empty with a guilt so profound that you are driven to go outside and punish Private Johnson by striking him repeatedly with stinging nettles.
Perhaps you don't think about these things when you produce your catalog, but you should. It's the fruit of the seeds you sow.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, Patriot
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.