Jesus' General

It's wrong to discusses Michael Jackson's 'happy man loaf' on the radio, even when it's a good, moral conservative doing it

Dear All Things Considered,

I was tuning though the radio dial today trying to find that sweet spot where Rush's show bleeds into the bible beat poetry program on the Christian station. You know the show I'm talking about. It's the one where they're always talking about crawling down keen baptist streets looking for a praiseworthy fix.

If you tune the radio just right, you can get a little bit of crosstalk action with Screech 1160, the Rant of the Ruby River Region. There's nothing better than listening to Rush raging against Klinton accompanied by bongos, high hat cymbals, and the cool, yet joyous, vocal rhythms of a Christian beat poet. It's what the minorities use to call, "righteous." Now that I think about it, that's what we Christians call it too.

Anyway, as I was tuning, I caught something on your station that shocked the hell out if me. It was the voice of my fellow patriot, L. Bent Bozell III. "Imagine that," I thought, "Brother Bozell on French radio." Although I never listen to NPR--you guys talk about books and news and stuff-- I stopped tuning to hear what he had to say.

I soon had the hell shocked out of me for a second time. He was talking about Michael Jackson's little soldier! I swear I'm telling the truth. He called it Jackson's "happy man loaf."

Well, I can't tell you what hearing that did to me. I couldn't get any work done the rest of the day. Michael Jackson's pinto-colored little soldier was all I could think about. It crowded out every thing else. I'd try to do some work and the next thing I'd know, I'd be in a bathroom stall fighting a losing battle against impure thoughts. I even had to pull off the road three times while driving home tonight.

We don't need to hear that kind of thing on the radio. It leads to licentious behavior and severe chaffing. I hope you think twice before airing such trash again. If not, you might find your self being sternly disciplined by Brother Powell and the FCC. They're not going to put up with such filth any more.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

cc: L Brent Bozell III