Jesus' General

Defending Our Glorious Leader's Military Record

To the editor:

While our wonderful freedoms, won and protected by the military that the Frenchmen (a.k.a. Democrats) abhor, allow them to spew their hate-filled opinions (October 9 column) against Our Glorious Leader, they do not allow them to deceive your readers with a blatant misstatement of the faith (a.k.a. heresy).

Specifically, the Frenchmen stated things like "Bush was shiving people while performing court-ordered community service at a time when other young men his age were risking their lives or even dying in Vietnam."

For the record then, let me set some things straight.

Our Glorious Leader and I were both ordered by the leftist courts to work in an inner-city community service program in 1972, the period in question. We had the same probation officer ("Old Hard-ass", now deceased). So let's address the Frenchmen's deceptions.

First, there is no instance of Our Glorious Leader disobeying Department of Correction's orders by shiving other probationers, even those who would not submit to his most depraved requests. Probationers who are sentenced to community work are housed in large dormitories with no privacy what-so-ever. I'd have seen him shiv someone if he'd done it.

Second, there was no such thing as a "blanket party" in which Our Glorious Leader could have participated. They just don't exist. Sure, we drank plenty of bread beer that we brewed in our own toilets, huffed immense amounts of cleaning products that we liberated from the supply cabinet, and wrestled naked in the manner of the ancient Spartan warriors, but that was the full extent of our recreational activities--it was simple, heterosexual, intoxicated fun.

Finally, the Frenchmen don't comprehend the dangers we faced on the mean streets of inner-city Houston. It was every bit as dangerous as Hue or Saigon. We fought the communists every morning when we disrupted the Black Panther's milk program. I can't count the number of fellow probationers who received black eyes or bloody noses in the street or a shiv in the back in our dormitory.

Our Glorious Leader is not a coward. He's a hero.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot
Tick Hollow