Jesus' General

I'm sure that the NYT's Judith Miller has all of the answers

Dear Miss Miller,

I was very dismayed after reading the Newsweek and Salon articles about Ahmad Chalabi until it struck me that perhaps I didn't have the whole story. I thought about writing Dick Cheney to ask for clarification, but he scares me. As much as I love him in a manly, heterosexual kind of way, I can't get past the fact that he reminds me of a foul reanimated corpse who's waiting for the proper moment to smash open my skull and devour my brain. I'm sure you know what I mean.

You were my obvious second choice because of your close working relationship with Chalabi during the run-up to the war. Heck, Chalabi and Miller were the Astaire and Rogers of Iraq war mongering. If anyone would know the truth about Chalabi, it'd be you.

Was Chalabi always working for the Iranians? If so, was it something he kept secret from you and Deputy Leader Cheney or have we subcontracted our foreign policy out to the Iranians as part of Shadow Leader Norquist's "let's privatize everything" initiative? If it's the latter, does that mean that Iran is a Haliburton subsidiary?

And what about this whole Axis of Evil thing? Was that a practical joke like the weapons of mass destruction?

I'm looking forward to your reply. It'll score me points at my next Team Leader meeting.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot