Where's a goth when you need one?

Dear Rep. Graves,

I was sorry to hear that the $132,000 grant you procured to implement a final solution to Blue Springs' goth problem had to be returned due to a lack of said goths. I hope that you are not discouraged by this setback.

You are to be applauded for your innovative thinking. While everyone else in your caucus was scrambling for the limited pot of funding available to persecute traditionally oppressed groups like homosexuals and Muslims, you had the foresight to open new territory by targeting alienated teenage misfits. It's that kind of eliminationist entrepreneurship that has made our nation great.

Your plan still has promise. You just need to choose a new target. There must be other unpopular groups of teens living in Blue Springs. Have you considered going after fat or "geeky" kids?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot
truebeliever(at)softhome.net