U.S. House of Representatives
Dear Rep. Sessions,
I see that the French are making hay about your love for running around naked. They're pointing to the fit you threw over the Great Superbowl Nipple Scandal of 2004 and calling you a hypocrite.
They just don't understand the meaning of the term, "traditional values." Nothing could be more traditional than running with your little soldier pointing strongly into the wind. It's an old tradition. One that can be traced back to the ancient warrior societies of Sparta.
The Spartans were a manly race, and they were never shy about displaying their manhood for all the world to see. They performed much of their combat instruction unhindered by clothing. Indeed, when Our Leader looks out from his bedroom widow he sees a statue of two Spartan warriors engaged in such instruction; the young recruit gently rubbing the tip of his commander's long stiff sword. I'm told that Our Leader excuses himself from his hard, hard work several times a day to gaze upon this monument to manhood for ten or fifteen minutes, alone with his thoughts.
According to your bio, you've never had the privilege of receiving military instruction. I am offering that to you now. Spend a week with me at my compound and I will teach you all the mysteries of manliness. I'll show you the pleasures of sword polishing by day and we'll watch gladiator movies and wrestle till dawn. You'll be a better man for it.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Thanks to Everett and the King of France for their tips.
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.