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Sunday, November 21, 2004

Warblogging our way to victory

Emperor Darth Misha I
Publisher, The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler

Dear Mr. I,

The thing that is most obvious to a first time reader of your blog is the fact that you, sir, are not a homosexual. Each and every word you write screams heterosexuality. It's a never-ending declaration, a stream of unabashed manliness, that leaves no doubt how secure you are about your sexual identity. I like that in a guy. My little soldier stands hard at attention whenever I encounter such unbridled masculinity.

Like you, I'm a proud member of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders. At tremendous risk, we've taken the battle to the enemy in the Eternal War Against Brown People, and we deserve much of the credit for the unparalleled success of Our Leader's Iraq Policy. Still, I can't help but think that we can do even more.

After reading your post glorifying the courageous killing of the wounded, unarmed Iraqi and a news article about remote hunting via the internet, I conceived of a plan in which we may give our readers an opportunity to actually participate in all of that righteous bloodshed. All we need to do is convince the Department of Defense to place remotely controlled guns in Iraqi hospitals.

Our readers would love it. They could log on and read a few posts about the imminent threat posed by Iran or France. Then they could scan a series of webcams to see if any of the hospital patients are breathing. Once they find a target, they need only put their Cheeto-stained index finger to the "delete" key, and BAM, another brown person bites the dust for the glory of Our Leader. We could also play an MP3 file of Onward Christian Soldiers or some Toby Keith song as they do it. That would be outstanding.

I'm hoping we can all get behind this idea. Please ask your readers to write Sec. of Defense Rumsfeld about installing those remote-controlled rifles.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.