It's time for Commissioner Gordon to switch on the Hammersignal

Rep. Tom DeLay
U.S. House of Representatives

Dear Majority Leader DeLay,

I'm concerned that the American people might lose their enthusiasm for the war once they learn that we are sending seventy-year-old men to the front. Sure, some of then can wield a wicked cane, but that's hardly an effective method for fighting an enemy armed with assault rifles and rocket propelled grenades.

We need to find a better way to fill the personnel gaps in our over-stretched armed forces. Of course, the draft is out, because it would require that the sacrifice be shared by a greater segment of the population. That could lead to a serious discussion about the prudence of fighting Islamist terrorists by invading a secular state. It's best if we don't open up that can of worms.

I believe that we'd have more than enough soldiers if all of us who demanded this war volunteered to fight it. We'd need to get a high-profile person to launch the campaign by signing up first. It would have to be someone who'd be making a great sacrifice so that others would feel guilty if they did not follow his example.

I think you'd be the perfect person to fill that role. Your support for the war is unmatched and you'd be making a tremendous sacrifice by giving up both your seat and your leadership position. Others would surely follow.

Please consider it. It's your chance to fight the war that the minorities cheated you out of fighting during Vietnam.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot