A Nobel nominee in the family

Rep. Mike Bilirakis
US House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Bilirakis,

Sean Hannity had Dr. William Hammesfahr on his TV show the other day, and he kept mentioning that the doctor has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize in Medicine. I looked into this and learned that you are responsible for nominating him. That gave me an idea.

You see, my nephew, Strom-Bob Christian, isn't the brightest boy around--he stopped going to school after the 5th grade--but, that kid can cook up a batch of meth out of just about anything. Old tires, shoes, Moon Pies, it doesn't matter--he'll turn it into crank faster than Tom DeLay can snatch a dollar from a pharmaceutical lobbyist.

Don't get me wrong. It's not like he's a criminal or anything. He's not selling it to brown people. Truckers buy it to stay awake. It's his way of helping commerce. More importantly, he accepted Jesus into his life five years ago, so he pays a healthy tithe on the money he makes.

Unfortunately, the cops have a hard time distiguishing between good and bad meth makers, so he always seems to be in court. I figure that you can help him out with that by nominating him for a Nobel Peace Prize in Chemistry. I don't think the police arrest Nobel nominees.

How about it? Can you help Bob-Strom?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot