Advice on Abstinence

The General thanks the Freeway Frenchman for alerting him to abstinenceonly.com, a site chock full of advice for those Godly folks who are determined to keep their little soldiers from exploring the hold of a little sailor's boat. Here's a sample:

For the gals: When hugging or kissing your faith partner, you may have noticed a little something getting hard inside his pants. It's called the penis and it means he wants to marry you! It's perfectly safe so long as he keeps it inside his pants. You can grab it, stroke it, squeeze it, or rub yourself against it like a fevered dog. Trust us, he won't mind a bit! Simply continue to rub, squeeze and fondle your faith partner through his jeans until he promises to marry you. It's that easy!