More intel from Crooks and Liars

Crooks and Liars has just received a confidential audio file of a secret meeting held between Donald Rumsfeld and the Maj. Gen. Michael D. Rochelle, head of Army recruiting, supplied by a source named "Spitball"

Rumsfeld: "What the hell is going on?

Rochelle " Well, I'm as stumped as you sir, I mean we've upped t he signing bonus,all female GI's must mud wrestle at least once a week, and we're telling high school students they can become doctors as soon as they sign the enlistment papers.

Rumsfeld "They really believe that?"

Rochelle "Yes sir, but still no takers"

Rumsfeld " I'm very disappointed."

Rochelle "Well, I've issued special instructions to allow all drug abusers, and the mentally challenged to be included as well, so we should see a nice spike in the recruitment figures come the next release arrival date. Also I got that Moonie from the Washington Times, Tony Blankley appearing on Hardball all next week so we're covered there too."

Rumsfeld "Good, good, that should help some. Cheney's been up my ass about all of this. I told him, Dick I said, "sometimes you try to recruit an army with the recruiters that you have, and not with the recruiters that you would like to have."

Rochelle "What did he say?

Rumsfeld "Go fuck myself.

Rochelle " I see"

Rumsfeld " I did notice for once a very positive story in the liberal media that really excited me.

Rochele "What is it sir?"

Rumsfeld "A Sgt. Thomas Kelt, I believe, he left some voicemail on a greenhorn's cell phone threatening to arrest him if he didn't show up at the recruiting station.

Rochelle "Yes sir, he's one of our finest."

Rumsfeld "We need more crafty sons of bitches like him. I have an idea. (Hands the Maj. General a picture) Take a look and tell me what you see."

Rochelle " That's the lovely Gulf Stream V turbojet sir, It's the extreme, supreme rendition flying machine. "

Rumsfeld "Goes to Syria and back within five hours of take off, and with the new stealth technology installed well, you get my meaning soldier."

Rochelle "Amazing sir"

Rumsfeld "I want you to make wallet size copies of this picture and hand them out to all your recruiters"

Rochelle " Yes sir"

Rumsfeld " If any of the plebes tries not showing up again, tell them that we'll detain their whole family as an imminent threat to the security of the country and fly then to Egypt. Bring the Harlem story with you as proof that we're not playing games"

Rochelle " Ahhh,, the teenage girls. Brilliant tactical maneuver sir. That way, It'll be at least two years before they are heard from, and the media will be on to the next runaway bride who gets cold feet story."

Rumsfeld "Exactly, oh and make sure the newbies don't use any of those automatic pens, they have a nasty habit of jamming up on you and making the ink splotch.

Rochelle " Yes sir, with these new instructions we should see a significant boom in our enlistment numbers Mr Secretary."

Rumsfeld "Little bastards don't really know whom they are dealing with General. Dis-missed"
Rochelle " YES SIR!