God didn't smite those children because of a little livestock lovin'

Rick Scarborough
Vision America
Judeo-Christian Council for Constitutional Restoration

Dear Dr. Scarborough,

Although I agree with your statement that God angrily drowned thousands of little children on the Gulf Coast because he hates homosexuals and Palestinians, I think you owe the many good, godfearing Christians who have special relationships with their livestock an apology for including bestiality among the reasons for God's wrath.

You made a mistake when you overlooked an important aspect of the Washington State case you cited. It wasn't an innocent coupling of a man and a mare, rather, it was an unnatural, homosexual act between a man and a stallion. So you see, God wasn't angry about the bestiality; He was upset with the homosexuality.

I'm surprised that this distinction eluded someone as well versed in modern conservative Christian theology as yourself. It's a-no brainer for most of us. It was only a few months ago when Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern made national news by making that distinction in regard to children's books. And let's not forget anti-abortion activist Neal Horsley's observation that, "when you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule."

Your mistake is understandable. You've obviously fallen victim to the Coastal Elite's propaganda. They've been attacking cherished Heartland values like livestock love for years. I believe that David Brooks may even be writing a book about it. At least, I asked him to do so. I even provided him with a working title, Congelicals on the Farm: The Left's War against the Conservative Evangelicals of America's Heartland.

Still, one would think that a learned man of God would know better. You're supposed to know these things. You need to make an extra effort to correct your mistake.

It's going to be very difficult for you to get as much coverage for your apology as you received for your original statement. That's why I think you should do it at your next Justice Sunday event. Just slip it in somewhere between a call for the appointment of Godly judges and a plea that God smite the liberal ones. It doesn't have to be very long. Heck, something like this might be enough, "God wants John Roberts to be the next Chief Justice and He doesn't care if you pork horses as long as it's a heterosexual act." Yeah, I think that would do it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot