Magnificent obsession

Brian Maloney
Radioequalizer

Dear Mr. Maloney,

I'm worried about you. This thing you have for Al Franken is getting a bit out of hand. I know it's hard to stop thinking about the curve of his thigh and the way he forms his velvety lips when he utters the first syllable of O'Reilly's name, but you refer to him over forty times on you're front page alone. That's kind of creepy if you think about it.

Look, you have a lot going for you. As you note in your blog profile, Time Magazine compared you to Rush Limbaugh. And it's not simply because Time thinks you might share his love for torture and injectable opiates. I know, because I looked it up. Here's the quote:

Austin Nevada: Conspiracy USA, in the middle of nowhere where the highway is empty it all fits together.

"The drive-time talk jock (out here it's always drive time) is the inflammatory Brian Maloney, who makes Rush Limbaugh sound like Alan Alda.

You should be proud of that. I doubt there are many other unemployed talk jocks who've been blessed with such a comparison. You should take it to heart and use it to build your self esteem. Once you do that, the fact that Franken is actually working in radio while you're just blogging won't bother you so much.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to Rapport De Majorité.