Commie roundups in Council Bluffs

Bob Mundt
President/CEO
Council Bluffs Area Chamber of Commerce

Dear Mr. Mundt,

A lot of people are saying that Rep. Steve King is making a laughing stock out of our region. They point to his defense of Sen. Joe McCarthy, the major role he played in politicizing Terri Schiavo's death, and his personal war against Mexicans as evidence that the constituency who elected him three times must be insane.

Such talk is not good for business. We need to do something about it. The easiest thing to do would be to boot him out of office, but we need him fighting for us against the Mexican-Communist (Mex-Com) conspiracy. That's why I think we need to embrace this new reputation for extremism he's given us and turn it into a selling point.

Perhaps the Chamber could sponsor an annual McCarthy Festival. Rep. King could open it with a commie roundup. Think about it. The citizens of Council Bluffs could keep lists of everyone who refused to remove their hats in the presence of the flag or just mouthed the words to the Star Spangled Banner at high school football games. Rep. King would gather the lists and give them to Boy Scouts to conduct the roundup. Then, we could put red dunce caps on the roundupees and march them down Pearl Street to Bayliss Park for some public criticism. The Rotary and Lions clubs could set up booths selling tomatoes and pies to throw at them.

After the roundup, you could hold a Mexican slur writing contest. I'm thinking big, something along the lines of the Kanab, Utah's Cowboy Poetry Rodeo, with a prize large enough to attract the top bigots in the nation.

We could end each McCartyFest (that's what I'd call it) with Family Night at Mercy Hospital, an event honoring Rep. Kings bold leadership in turning Terri Schiavo's death into a circus. I envision allowing the public to go room by room through the hospital, overriding the patients' health care decisions. For instance, the citizens might choose prayer rather than chemotherapy for a cancer patient or determine that an appendectomy would help a patient more than breast augmentation surgery.

That's all I have in the way of ideas. I'm sure you'll have more. The important thing is that we embrace this reputation for extremism with which Rep. King has blessed us.

Please let me know if I help you make this come about.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot