He has all the gravitas of Harriet Miers

George W. Bush
President of the United States

Dear President Bush,

I understand that you are looking for someone to replace Harriet Miers as your Supreme Court nominee. That's probably a good idea considering the hell that's going to break loose when the Judiciary Committee looks into her work at the Texas lottery and her financial dealings.

I suspect that you're experiencing some difficulty in finding someone as loyal and as experienced as Miers, but I think I've found you the perfect nominee, presidential trivia whiz kid Noah McCullough. He's already demonstrated his loyalty by helping out on your Social Security road shows and his grasp of constitutional law is equal to that possessed by Miers. More importantly, he seems to be the only person connected to your Administration who hasn't let Judith Miller fondle his aspens, so he might avoid being indicted next week.

I hope that you'll give him your full consideration.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot