Rush to the Rescue

Jim McDonough
Director, Florida Office
of Drug Control

Mr. McDonough,

I want to thank you for your efforts in curtailing the abuse of prescription pain medication in the state of Florida. At a time when we Americans face numerous threats to our freedom from terrorists and liberals, it's sometimes easy to forget the amount of damage that can be done by doctors with lax attitudes towards drug abuse. With our nation's elderly and infirmed on the front lines of the war against bird flu, the last thing we need is for them to be too whacked out on goofballs to care. These doctors and their freeloading patients are a threat to our freedom, and I salute your courage in imposing on them the drug-free ideals set forth in the Constitution.

But I've become concerned recently that too many people are making a fuss about Richard Paey, a man who had the audacity to challenge your authority in keeping doctors from unleashing their prescription poison on unsuspecting pain patients. This man has no business demanding that a doctor write him a prescription for whatever hippie-dippie pills he wants. This is Florida, not some third-world, drug-infested hell hole like Mexico, Canada, or California.

Like you, I've had enough of liberal irresponsibility, but for some reason we seem to be losing traction on this issue. I think the problem is that there's no real spokesman for the cause. But I think I have the perfect person in mind:

America's Anchorman, Rush Limbaugh.

He's been such a powerful voice for us disillusioned conservatives that I'm sure he'd just jump at the chance to assist you in this cause. Plus, he once had an anal cyst that was so heinous that it kept him from his strong desire to defend our freedom in Vietnam. He could certainly teach the Richard Paey's of the world a thing or two about "playing through the pain."

In sobriety,
T.H.