Amazon and the Dixie Chicks

My Amazon reviews must have been too manly for the masses. Amazon switched to a forum. Here's what I have to say about the Dixie Chicks' new album, Taking The Long Way (you can buy it, here):

They ruined it for me

I listened to that "Not Ready To Make Nice" song on this album, and I loved it. I thought it was great. But it'll be a cold day in Tupelo before I buy anything from the Chicks. They ruined my "little soldier."

It's a rather convoluted story, but if you'll bear with me, I'll tell you the whole thing. Perhaps then, you'll understand why I can't support the Dixie Chicks.

I'd had problems getting Private Johnson to stand at attention ever since I read the Starr Report. My disgust at such depravity--little presidents and ladies' mouths coming together in such a lustful, non-Republican way--was so great, it caused my little soldier to go virtually AWOL.

That all changed when I saw Our Leader wearing his pilot outfit on "Mission Accomplished Day." For the first time in years, Private Johnson stood at attention and saluted.

I spent a lot more time with my little soldier after that. I even put together a little routine. I'd take out my George W. Bush action figure; meditate on his Mighty Bulge of Imperial Domination for a few minutes; and then, begin removing the uniform while listening to a Dixie Chick's song. Usually the intro was enough, but sometimes Private Johnson had to hear the first couple of words of the song before he'd fire his tribute to Our Leader.

It all ended on the day when that Maines Chick committed speech-treason against The Chosen One. My little soldier went AWOL again. I tried varying my routine by replacing the Chicks with Toby Keith and a dramatic reading by Ron Silver, but nothing helped. Private Johnson just lays there, unwilling to rise to his general's call.

That's what the Chicks did to me. That's why I won't buy this album.

Update: The General appreciates the Blah3 Prayer-Team's prayers.